❝ ephemeral ❞ ─ jongdae ⌜revising⌟

I

TIMESTAMP: 14 DAYS AGO, 11:00AM

"The usual? We have mini chocolate croissants today, they're fresh out of the oven." She offers, head tilted slightly to the right as she waited for Jongdae's reply.

But he couldn't. Not right away at least because suddenly speaking became a chore. He couldn't help but inwardly sigh, feeling the ridiculous rapid beat of his heart along the nerves of his body. She was beautiful, just like yesterday. And the day before that. And the days before the days before that. He was enamored, whipped as kids would like to call it these days. He was like a young boy on a school day morning, getting antsy and tongue-tied over his cute crush with gap teeth. However, along with the feelings of awe and admiration that danced around his mind, tinges of faint guilt and fear washed over him. It was wrong, the lot of it. He would be subjected to cleansing if anybody were to find out about this rather unacceptable secret.

That was what the world has come to be, that to have romantic feelings towards someone of the opposite sex is deemed inexplicably immoral. That just because it isn't considered as something natural, a common occurrence, it was by definition wrong. The way she makes him feel – from the way his body temperature rises at the smallest contact, the way words seem to tangle themselves on the tip of his tongue, the want to impress her all the time, to the desire he feels at the thought of being with her – it all goes against everything the society's norm has imposed.

You're not supposed to like a man if you're a woman.

Why would you like a woman? You're a man... That's just crazy.

I really think people who fall in love with the same sex are sick, you know?

It was as if there were laws on how to live your life. Unspoken rules. It was ironic, how we're 'freemen' and yet our lives are confined by uniform archaic beliefs. Sure, there's freedom to do, say, or be whatever you wish. It's a democratic world after all. Even so, all your choices will not be without scrutiny of others. Everything comes with a price.

He could never fathom society's mechanism. Was it so wrong to love? Is there anything wrong with falling in love? Why was he not allowed to follow his heart when what his heart yearns for is a nothing but a harmless thing? Some people fall in love with criminals, frauds, even pathological liars. Why aren't they in question? Stockholm syndrome can be romanticized, but heterosexuality is abhorrent to even think about?

Jongdae surveys the myriad of bread selections, people around him unaware of his inner turmoil. Layers was one of the best bakeshops in town and anyone could affirm with a single glance inside the display case. From big cupcakes to soft, moist cookies, to colorful cake slices, and even fruity parfaits, every single thing looked delectable. "I'll try the lemon meringue cupcake today," He says, reading the pastry's name card. He pulls out his wallet from his back pocket to take his card out. "Oh, and a small box of apple tarts too."

"Gotcha. Nice pick, they're my favorite ones out of the new cupcake batch." She tells, pushing down numerous buttons on the cash register. Jongdae hands him his black card but she shook her head. "It's Valentine's day, it's on me." She smiles before returning her gaze on the keypads of the register.

Jongdae chuckles, sheepishly slipping the card back into his wallet. "Be careful, I might get used to you spoiling me." He teased, leaning against the counter. He knew what he was doing. Flirting with a woman was risky. At a public place? Talk about scandalous. Realizing this, he tugs his earlobe and straightens himself.

The girl titters and tucks a lock of hair behind her ear. The act was so artless, a simple and quiet movement, and yet, it sends Jongdae's brain to a rapid fire of neurons. He was breathless for seconds. "You would like that, wouldn't you?" She teased back, but proceeds to ask. "So... you got anybody to spend the holiday with?" laced with a hint of hesitation so faint that Jongdae missed it. She simply lifts her brows and simpered as she tried to mask every ounce of jealousy slowly beginning to seep out assuming Jongdae's response, or lack thereof, was an affirmation that he, in fact, did have somebody to spend it with.

Jongdae lets out a light chuckle as he almost slips out a can I spend it with you? but quickly bites his tongue before he gets it out. He simply shakes his head and utters a cheerful, "Nope. I'm free as a bird." with a light chuckle.

Free as a bird? What the hell kind of lame shit is that Jongdae.

"I see," She nods her head, pulling out a small black and white polka-dotted box from under the counter. She lifts the lid open and neatly placed the cupcake. "You shouldn't spend these days alone, Jongdae. It could get lonely, yeah?" She lightly jokes, closing the box's lid. She slides everything into a white paper bag. "Here you go," She hands the bag to over with a sweet smile.

Jongdae chuckles, taking the bag. "Yeah, it does feel like the world's mocking me at some point. Why, do you have someone to spend the occasion with? A special girl perhaps?" He asks, knowing full well he was treading on dangerous waters. Why would he ask that? He shouldn't have asked that. What if she says yes? Jesus Christ, his heart would just shatter. He just knows.

Please say no.

Please say no.

She tilts her head. "A girl?" She blinks softly, eyeing Jongdae carefully. She seemed to be trying to read Jongdae's thoughts. Two seconds passed, and she speaks again. "I currently don't have any special someone. Though I do wish to spend Valentines with this... person I know. But they're kind of more clueless about it than I thought. I thought I was being clear enough." She bites her bottom lip and looks at him. "...Apparently not." She tells, laughing softly with a light shake of her head. Huh. Weird.

So, she does like someone. And from the way she's talking about it, she has like someone for some time now. You dug your own grave, Jongdae.

Trying to sound nonchalant despite being a little down by newfound information, he gives a strained smile and nods his head. "I see." He replied. "Well, good luck with that person I guess!" He cheers with fake enthusiasm. What was he even doing.

She sighs and replies, "Yep, thanks. Seems like I need all the luck I can get."