None the Worse ✓

16) 'Gay Or Just European?' And Other Questions You Don't Need The Answers To...

"Benjamin is not pretty."

"Your mom is not pretty."

"What!?"

Pi leaned back, checked the time on his phone and set an alarm half an hour from now. This'd take a while, and for the meantime, apparently taking a nap was for the best.

In the end, Benjamin would probably have to come up with something himself anyway. He sighed at the prospect of having to go through hours of trying to think of places and then deciding which one seemed most appropriate, since he had nothing to go by. None of those girly magazines had articles on where to take a delinquent on a date.

Not that he'd looked at those in the store earlier.

He coughed and choked on his own spit.

That got the others' attention again.

"Ben, you know what you should do?!" Heston screeched. "Go look at all those derpy birds in that dark, creepy forest on the other side of town."

"Why?" asked Pi.

"Because you can make fun of them."

"That's so lame—"

"That's great!" squeaked Martin, "birdwatching is a classic! Benjamin, do that!"

Pi actually agreed for once. "Right? You won't have to talk and ruin everything that way."

"No," said Benjamin.

"Yes. You can't even choose the movies because you always fall asleep in the middle of the movie."

"Or you take out the DS."

Cue a collective groan.

"Oh, hell, let's not start on that damned thing..."

He shouldn't have asked them for advice. He shouldn't ask these people advice for anything other than how to die a virgin. "Okay," Benjamin half-mumbled, half-grumbled, "Okay, that only happened like three times. And I'm not going birdwatching. That's lame. I. Will. Not. Go. Birdwatching."

Hours later, they were birdwatching. The forest was just as creepy as Benjamin expected, but this didn't seem to bother Thijmen. He was thoughtfully looking around, scanning the trees for said birds.

"So what can you tell me about these oh-so fascinating birds we came to watch?"

"Well, you know..."

"What about that one?" He pointed at a big, brown bird that looked like it ate thirty Big Macs and Benjamin stared at it trying to brutally crack a snail's house.

"It has wings."

"I see. How interesting. What can it do with those wings?"

"It can... fly?"

"Fascinating."

The sarcasm.

Thijmen pursed his lips and focused on a smaller bird to his right. "And that one? Can it fly too? Bless me with your knowledge, Benjamin."

Benjamin focused on the small, red and gray bird jumping around on the ground.

"I think it flies..."

"Can you fly?"

Benjamin's cheeks heated up, for some reason. And it felt embarrassing to say no, because every single creature around him except for Thijmen and the poor snail seemed to be able to fly. Instead, he opened his (usually very unfortunate) mouth and said, "I'm working on it?"

To this, Thijmen was amused.

Benjamin stared at Thijmen, who stared at the red and gray bird, who stared at something in the sky. And then it jumped up and flew. Benjamin let out a sigh of relief.