House Of Memories

xxx

It was 4th of July 5:21 am

I couldn't sleep anymore

I checked my phone. No calls, No messages

I ran my fingers through my brunette hair and started pulling them while I was sitting in my - wide enough for two people –bed. My bedroom was such a mess. My clothes, underwear, make up products, books, pencils were all around the room. I didn't had the motivation to tidy up this chaos I was in, this chaos represented my entire life, the situation I was in.

I stood up to go to the balcony to get some fresh air.

I was just in my underwear and it was cold, like my ex.

She even stole my cigarettes and I wanted to fucking smoke.

"Anyway, let's put on some music" I whispered to myself as I pressed play

Panic! At The Disco – Nicotine

The music would totally make me deaf because of how loud the volume was

But I didn't care at all, I'd rather go deaf than listen to any words of hers, these knifes that were constantly stabbing me right to the heart.

"What did I do?" I thought and a warm tear started to run on my full-of-freckles-left check.

I usually weep immediately my tears but now I don't feel like it.

I want to let them fall down, fall down with me.

5:24 am

I continued crying, but it wasn't enough I wanted to scream, to rip my lungs out, to break everything in front of me and then disappear

Why it had to be like this?

The breeze felt like hitting my half naked body and I started to shiver

"Well let's go back inside" I murmured and threw my mp3 player on my desk.

I went back in to the enormous bedroom as I shut the light blue balcony door.

I felt small and weak, I couldn't stand to even look at the view outside my window.

My eyes were itching, I was still shivering and my sight was blurry.

I crawled towards the kitchen and opened the fridge, the only thing left was a red wine bottle and a lame vegetable salad.

"That wine was our favorite" I thought as I stared at it while I felt a shiver running down my spine.
"Fuck it" I yelled and I took the wine bottle out of the fridge as I aggressively closed the fridge door. I opened it and immediately drank it from the bottle, I almost drank the whole bottle with only one sip. I panted as I stopped drinking, it burned my throat but my pride was already in flames and I was feeling really dizzy, like floating.

I knew it wouldn't solve anything, but my loser ass had only alcohol.

I left the wine bottle at the kitchen table and stood up to go back to the bedroom.

I almost tripped over literally nothing but what did I expected to do as a drunk asshole?

As I went back to the bedroom I took a look at our hundreds of Polaroids on the walls, some of them were already ripped or on the cold marble floor. I couldn't look at them anymore

It gave me so much pain to look back at all these memories, I'd rather be killed.

I took the lighter from the commode and gathered the pictures together. As they were all in front of me I set fire to them, I destroyed us, as you also did. I sat on the bed and gazed the flames.

Even this wasn't enough; I was trapped in this house of memories.