Ten & Levan

44. Forty Four

As I fall back to the sand, I watch Athena Breeland running toward Ten as she stumbles and falls. I want to reach out to her, but the stars are so damn bright, I can't even open my eyes. Ten crashes into Thea's arms, far away, so far away. The darkness whispers how much it wants me back. It's as if all this while, everything that's ever happened in the world had been building up, and building up, for this...

She shudders.

She breaks down.

She cries.

Her emotions rush out of her violently, like the waves, as they crash into me. She cries for me, she cries for her mother, she cries for her father, and for everything and every moment, that she held this pain back. That she kept it caged and locked. She laments, she wails, she lets it all out. She cries forever, on and on and on.

The darkness finally takes me home.

***

Dad's eyes never leave mine, it's like we're in the middle of this staring contest, and even though I'm all drained and flimsy, I don't want to lose. We stand at the doorjamb as an emergency personnel explains my condition to him. Ava is somewhere behind Dad, listening in horror, the tale of my demise. An accident, they're being told. But both of them seem to know better.

Yes, Thea called 911, and no, I haven't been taken to the hospital, yet.

"So, I take it he's okay?" asks Dad, finally shifting his piercing gaze from mine. He then turns to face the nurse who made sure to accompany me to the door. They'd already given me a good-to-go, and I thought my father would never know but things took a turn otherwise, and now here we are, the nurse and I, struggling to breathe in the very pungent smell of alcohol that is my father's shadow.

"Almost," says the nurse, tightly faking a smile. "His vitals are fine, and he was given medical in time, but in case he suffers hypothermia, which is very likely, bring him to the hospital immediately," she adds, handing him a written down report.

"Thanks a lot..." says dad as the nurse backs out of the doorway, giving me a pat on the shoulder.

"Take care," she says. I nod before blindly making my way into the house. When I turn to the stairs, secretly hoping that I've escaped any potential row, is when I find Ava staring at me, disappointment painted on her face, her big blue eyes glossy, her mouth grim and small. I don't know what to say to her, or how to make it sound better. But that's the thing, I never know what to say, I never know what to do, but when I do think I could save things from falling apart, I get saved instead.

"Where are you going, young man?" asks dad, walking over to the kitchen counter, shoulder slightly hunched. "Care to explain?"

"The nurse explained things just fine, I think," I mutter, my voice still hoarse from all the salt that sticks to my ripped up throat. I hear Ava sigh behind me. It makes me wince, I don't want her to hurt, not for me, not for anyone.

"So, you just happened to drown?" asks Dad, taking a swig from his bottle of beer. My knees wobble, I can't put up with this anymore, the air around him is too heavy, I can't keep standing. I don't know what to say to him either, all I know is silence, and letting things pass. But then again, when I try to finally do something, I always end up where I began. "Answer me, damn it!" he roars, slamming his hand down on the counter.

"Stop!" thunders Ava, making both of us turn around to look at her. She stands at the edge of the staircase, shaking. Her eyes spell out anger, exasperation and disappointment. "You need to stop it, Dad! Stop pretending that you haven't made our lives hell! Stop pretending like you haven't hurt him enough already! Stop acting like you don't know what he almost did today! Just stop-"

"Ava, mind your own-"

"No, Dad, not anymore!" she cries, "Look at him,"

"Ava, stop," I say, trying to get a hold of her but she steps back, showing me her palm. I stop dead in my tracks, a microscopic shivering running all through my body as I take deep breaths, streams of tears running down her face. No, I don't want this. "Can't you see what you've done, dad?" she asks him, tilting her face to a side, "You know he tried to kill himself."

I stop breathing, my face feels warmer, the shivering escalates and turns into a havoc, a whirlwind. Everything around me levitates and starts circling me. For a long moment, there's utter silence between the three of us, but there's also clear chaos. Defeated, his eyes fall to the floor. A sob escapes Ava and then another and another. And I finally let go of the breath I'd been holding. Oh god, what did I do?

"No, don't look at the floor, look at what you did, Dad!" she yells, her fire pouring all out, "look at what you did!"