The Doctor's Assistant

Court

One Week Before The Date

I honestly have never been more scared in my life to stand in front of a group of people and speak. Forget trying to speak in front of a class of uninterested people; these people were going to hang on to each word, clinging to any exposed shreds of my guilty conscience with fervor.

I was practicing what I was going to say while locking eyes with myself in the mirror. My expressions weren't as genuine as they could be, and the lines sounded forced as they pushed past my tongue and out my mouth. This wasn't good and fake-it-til-you-make-it wasn't working. The very thought of going to prison, lying to a jury, being judged by other parents that had lost their kids to Madds and I. It was unbearable. My breathing was getting funny; I had to start over.

Gasping a bit for air, I tried again. "My name is Elliot Romano Sanchez. I am here to testify for Madds Addison. I-I... I can't..." I put down the flashcards Madds wrote out. I had to stop imagining the faces of fear, disappointment, misery, maybe even greed. I knew what I had to say and when to say it, the only thing I hadn't mastered was the execution. This situation suddenly felt very familiar. The face of a timid, red-haired boy passed quickly through my mind. All it did was make me feel even worse.

"Elliot?" There was a knock at the door. "Elliot, you've been in there for quite a while. Are you alright? Any longer and you'll miss breakfast." Madds ceased his knocking to listen for a response.

"Oh, I'm fine. I'm just trying to practice for next Tuesday. I'll be out in a minute, okay?"

The doctor paused a second before saying, "Okay. You can practice with me later if you'd like, for now you should focus on eating something. I made your favorite."

My favorite, huh? I gathered up my flashcards, splashed some cold water on my face, and took some deep breaths to calm down. I exited the bathroom and made a beeline toward the dining room. It was then that I was greeted with my favorite breakfast drink called avena. Sweet stewed cinnamon and brown sugar oatmeal with milk and vanilla to put it in more basic terms. I remember telling the doctor about it one day a few weeks ago, he seemed to be interested in the recipe. I ended up writing my abuela's recipe out for him and leaving it at that. I'm glad he remembered it 'cause that was the only thing that could settle my still nervous stomach.

I daydreamed while I drank, letting my mind wander off to impossible scenarios and conversations that would never happen. It felt good to not really think and relax a bit. In my mind I was far off in a world completely free of courthouses, flashcards, murder, and cannibalism. However, on the outside, reality declared that I was staring intently at a wall. In fact, I was so fixated on my daydream that it took me a minute to hear Madds chuckling at me. It was a sound I hadn't heard in quite some time.

I blinked back to earth as the doctor said, "I am sorry if I disrupted you, you just looked so focused that it was humorous."

Most people don't give verbal reasons for why they laugh if the reason without words is obvious. I know that I looked funny so it was odd to hear Madds explain himself. Humorous? Yep, something's not sitting right with him either today.

"Are you okay, Madds? You haven't chuckled like that in weeks and then you tried justifying your laughter as if the reason mattered. You're the same guy that loaded a painted Nerf gun with a flower and cracked up as it hit me in the head. What's wrong?"

He avoided eye contact for a minute before looking back at me. "It's been stressful, Elliot. Justice may not be 'just' in the face of wealth, but that doesn't stop me from having nightmares. I haven't slept well in two months at the mere thought of facing people. Randy pulled everyone that lost a child to me into this. Both the compensated and the grieving will be staring us down when we walk in there. You haven't been having it easy, either. It's come to my attention that I may even lose you as an assistant." He stopped and stared off at the floor, nervously.