Betrayal and Fear ( Klangst )

Responsibility | 01

"When there's no one you can point to, or when something goes wrong, it's your fault that level of responsibility and accountability is pretty interesting."

 Lance Mcclain shook with anger as his world crumbled around him, the knocking at his door had been consistent for several minutes now. at last, Lance had built up the courage to gather himself. "What?" he said not opening the door, his voice was cracked broken from the argument from earlier. Hunk response was steady but worrisome "I-I am coming in okay?" as a following up voice entered cutting Hunk off. "Don't do anything stupid, ok?" Pidge stated while Hunk pressed a button near Lance's door which caused it to open shedding in the light in his darkened room. Lance tried to say something but he couldn't. The shame weighed down on his chest so heavy that he felt as though he could hardly breathe, much less speak. The two who walked into his room was silent as they looked at him, as Lance shoved his head into his knees avoiding looking them in the eyes. Someone had to break the silence but no one had the guts to say anything yet. Time moves at a maddeningly slow pace when you are waiting. Patience had not always been Lance's strong suit, but it was particularly worse in the shell of his former self. Lance could barely hold himself together, it crossed his mind that his heart may have been imploding in some sort of mad form of self-destruction, but he decided to not focus too much on that because the idea of his soul-eating itself alive was generally unpleasant. It was all he could take to keep himself from bawling on his knees like a child. Lance's thoughts were broken at the sound of Pidge clearing her throat, It was at first a relief, but the relief was closely followed by a nagging nervousness. Lance tried to rub his tear eyed eyes in his pants legs as he looked up revealing his crackling blue eyes at the two as a small smile was spread across his face to shield his pain.

The white hallway light illuminated both of his friend's worried and contorted faces giving Lance's heartstrings a good yank as he remembered his current crisis. Lance just wanted to lay his heart bare for the two and only wanted them to see, just as he did when they were in the garrison together. Lance found himself suddenly incapable of speaking. His words stuck in his throat like swallowed bubblegum, he searched through his mind frantically for something to say, but instead, he found himself in tears. Salty droplets washed down his flushed cheeks, the warm wetness of tears were foreign as he hardly ever cried. "Oh Lance, Bud no..." Hunk murmured taking a cautious step nearer. Why did he do what he did, Lance thought. He wasn't going to break down in front of his two best friends but he couldn't stop the rush of emotions that boiled up to the surface. Lance couldn't control it, he unraveled. a suppressed sob escaped his shuddering body as he hugged his legs closer to his body and moving his head to not look at his friends as he shoved his knees into his chest. Both are friends went close enough to sit on the bed as Hunk placed a timid hand on his shoulder waiting for a sign from Lance. Lance responded by desperately embracing Hunk around his shoulders. Tears staining his face and dampened the soft cotton of Hunk's yellow shirt. Lance held Hunk's familiar body close against his own and used Hunk's sturdiness to keep from falling over. Hunk returned the hug to his best friend and placed his hands protectively over Lance. Pidge looked at the ground staring at her own shoes as her small hands squeezed Lance's soft sheets and she bit the inside of cheek not knowing how to make him feel better. "It's okay." Hunk stated feeling slightly uncomfortable.

"Just.." He paused while sighing heavily "Why did you say that to him? You should apologize.." Hunk voice was thick with worry as he pulled away from the Cuban male, he left a hand lingering under Lance's well-toned chin tilting his face upwards as if to search for the answers in the other's eyes which burned blue in contrast with his reddening face. "I-I don't know!" Lance tried to connect his words but ended up failing and becoming a stuttering mess. The blue-eyed male glanced down from Hunk's gentle stare and pulled his face from Hunk's fingertips. as another wave of sorrow welled up within his chest, choking him as memories of that night spilled back into his mind. Pidge saw this and gently ran her small hand down and up Lance's back to try and calm him down, the bruise that rested on his cheek was terrible but Pidge felt he deserved it especially what he had said earlier and it was a really low blow even for Lance. They sat in the dim-lit room and stayed in silence. Lance tried to steady his breathing and he focused his eyesight on a small portrait of his family. "I messed up...didn't I?" He usually didn't care what he says to Keith but it was different this time, the hurt he saw in the eyes of his rivals stung more than usual this time. Lance's breath quickened as the magnitude of the situation crashed over his head once again. 'oh shit, shit, shit.' his words hung in the suffocating air. He knew both of his friends were uneasy about the whole situation but Lance was way too emotional to care.

He's been trying to keep his life together and yet it was like playing a game of Jenga. No matter how he tried it would all inevitably come tumbling down and it did...at this moment. Hunk moved his hand to rest on Lance's shoulder. "I know it's hard being in space and leaving family behind but.." His voice trailed off as he spoke again. "That was a new type of level of low...even for you." Lance wailed in exasperation causing Hunk to wince. "Why did you say it, man..." Lance was never happy, the only happiness he ever has known was when he spent time with his family. "He just....He just pisses me off so much that I.." Lance admitted. "I needed to use some sort of leverage to hurt him! I just..." Hunk waited to hear more of them as he raised an eyebrow "Go on..." He urged the other to continue. The truth was that Lance envied Keith...He was practically perfect in everything and it pissed Lance off. Keith was a gifted pilot...fighter...and so much more and Keith was something Lance wasn't. "I was jealous okay!? I was so upset that I went that low and I can't even remember what I said or how it even started...." Pidge face grew annoyed and puzzled. "I don't get it...So allow me to address what I know of the situation.." She cleared her throat as she turned her head to look at the brown-skinned male as her golden eyes were burning into the side of his face. "You decided to go that low to hurt Keith because of you losing a battle you knew you weren't going to win...and you did all this just to make yourself feel superior." Lance looked at Pidge for a moment after turning his face away from her and sighed having to calm down for a moment especially when Hunk's hand was resting on his shoulder. It was more of a weakness, it was more like a million suppressed feelings wearing him down until they finally wore his strength away so that was a running coffee maker with no filter.

Of course, he shouldn't have expected them to understand this because they have never been taken for something less than trash. It is like God wanted Lance to suffer and be a failure. "You guys wouldn't understand..." Lance lashed out with frustration and suddenly jealous as Hunk spoke up with a small laugh. "Yeah. I bet we couldn't because this beautiful little life we've built actually means something to us." Hunk responded with an unusual harshness. Lance bit his lip and furrowed his brow again trying to seal the cracks in the dam of tears which threatened to give away at any moment. They were wrong. it hurt knowing that Shiro was missing and nothing they did has made any process yet but it hurt even more as Pidge and Hunk were nagging and blaming him for it. But a side of him knew they were right even if it made him upset even more. The two got up from Lance's bed as Pidge was the first to walk out "If you need me, I'll be in my lab working on a few things." She adjusted her glasses and smirked at lance "If you keep that up, You'll never get a girlfriend." She tried to joke with him at least an attempt to cheer him up which caused a forced smile on Lance's lips. "Who would be able to resist this anyways." He purred causing Pidge wanting to throw up in her mouth as she walked out and Hunk stopped at the door and looked back at him with his brown eyes. "Just apologize...Keith's been having it pretty rough lately and what we don't need is you two to be at each other's throats.." He stated as Lance nodded his head knowing he wasn't going to apologize....Not yet anyways...

So a few grammar mistaaaakkkes

Hi, I am the writer of this story and I am trying to be canon but non-canon as well? If that makes any sense LMAO but I hope you enjoy this series of feels bye.