Bad Guy | Sanders Sides

Chapter Two

He was summoned again the next after a night of tossing and turning. He didn't need anything to enhance the bags under his eyes - they were prominent enough. Thomas didn't sleep, so why should he?

Logan was already with Thomas when he appeared on the stairs, and they both carefully schooled their faces into neutral expressions as they turned to face him. Anxiety bristled slightly, something foreboding stirring in his chest and squeezing his lungs. His breathing became shorter and harsher.

"You lied Anxiety," Thomas said accusingly, Logan nodding in the background. At least this time, Thomas didn't look so defensively angry. 

Anxiety looked between his Host and his fellow side. "I did what?" He frowned. "I don't lie. I'm rude and sarcastic and dark, but I don't lie."

"Thomas has relayed to me that he can't sleep due to the anxiousness that's plaguing him." There was something smug in Logan's brown eyes - the only sense of humanity Logan really had. Anxiety just clenched his jaw and swallowed down the hurt. Logan continued calmly, "Your mere presence disrupts his core stability. This is detrimental to him, Anxiety, I assume you know that. What I fail to understand is why you do it."

"I don't-"

"Is it some sort of inferiority complex?" Logan seemed oblivious to the effect of his words. He seemed to genuinely be confused. "Are you doing it with malicious intent? Why, Anxiety? I fail to understand why you do what you do, or really why you're here at all. Why were you created - you contribute nothing positive to Thomas's well-being."

It was silent for a heartbeat, and Anxiety took several deep breaths. Logan wasn't setting out to hurt him, he knew that, the logical side was just...dense. "Is that how you feel Thomas?" Anxiety asked quietly.

Thomas hesitated. "Well, I would be able to do more if you weren't around."

Anxiety nodded. "Alright. Okay." Without another word, he let himself sink back into Thomas's mind, numb. No, that was a lie. He had so many feelings swirling around his body, so many emotions and he didn't know what to do with them. He couldn't process them fast enough.

The others seemed to forget he felt everything twice as much, and despite his cold exterior, he was vulnerable. It was so easy to drive him away, and they never seemed to think twice about it.

His head throbbed and black spots flickered in his vision as he appeared in the kitchen, almost falling on Roman. The royal was just putting a carton of milk back in the fridge, staring at Anxiety strangely as the side flexed his hands and struggled to take steady breaths.

"Rude," Roman muttered to himself, looking away again with a frown. "Clearly I was here first-"

"Stop talking," Anxiety said lowly, averting his eyes and trying to leave. His legs felt like jelly. His chest was getting tighter and tighter, and fire was licking up his throat.

Roman made a small noise. "Anxiety?" A strangled cry clawed its way out of Anxiety's throat before he could stop it, a low keening sound that amplified and echoed, and his eyes filled with tears. "Anxiety, what's the matter?"

"Stay away," He choked out, desperately trying to hold back sobs. Usually he could make it to his room before he had an attack, but this one had been building for too long for him to just breathe it away. "Just leave me alone."

"Anxiety. What's happening?" Roman reached a hand out, tentative worry clouding his eyes. He hovered awkwardly, because this was a line neither of them had dared cross before. They were enemies, opposites, and yet Roman was willing to try and find some middle ground. 

Anxiety hated it.

"Nothing's happening," Anxiety forced out, gritting his teeth as the room spun. "Nothing's wrong. I'm fine."

"You're not fine," Roman insisted, finding his determination. God, that's all the side wanted to do wasn't it? Save the day, fight the bad guy.

Anxiety shook his head and moved away, hating that his feet couldn't move him in a straight line. "I'm fine," he spat defensively. "I'm fine!" He couldn't let Prince see how broken he was on the inside. "I'm fine!" Internally, he was cursing himself for being so reckless, for letting his weaknesses be seen so clearly. "I'm fine."

"Anxiety-"

He ran before Prince could stop him, heart pounding in his ears. He'd spent years bottling it all up, he'd spent so long soaking up all the harsh words and the blame. He was at his breaking point.

His bedroom was welcoming as he burst through the door, clutching his chest. Tears were streaming down his cheeks, and his eyes felt puffy and red. He crashed on his bed and stopped fighting the terror that pounded in his veins.

Instantly, his vision flared ruby and his skin itched and crawled. Thoughts flooded his brain, terrible, negative thoughts and feelings assaulted his chest. His heart throbbed with pain and he curled up into a ball, clawing wildly at his arms and wrists. His skin was stretched too thin, and he was burning too hot, and he was alone.

He was alone, he was alone, he was alone.

.

Logic felt the slightest twinge of something as Anxiety bowed his head and disappeared, but he brushed the feelings off and turned to Thomas. The boy was staring at his hands, his lower lip trembling as he held back tears.

Logic sighed. Feelings were the bane of his existence. "What is it about this situation that concerns you?" He asked, trying to keep his voice gentle. Obviously, his Host was distressed and the only way to combat that was comfort. 

Thomas looked up, and he looked so young that Logan almost felt bad. "But without Anxiety, I wouldn't be me."

The Teacher blinked. "What do you mean? Do you want him to stay?"

"Well no." Thomas ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "But he was created by me. He's part of me. If he's gone, then part of my personality, part of me, is gone too."

"Well technically speaking, you're right." Logan adjusted his glasses, pondering the words. Thomas would be going without a manifested part of his personality, but if it was only negative, Logan didn't understand why not. "Have you been told anything about how to...limit your anxiety?"

Thomas looked at his hands again before exhaling heavily. "The doctor prescribed some Anxiety meds," he said tiredly, holding up a bottle. "He said they're the best he could get, because I seemed like an 'extreme case'. I think he wasn't properly listening to what I was saying, but apparently they are actually pretty strong."

Logic gaped, speechless.

Thomas tipped two of the tiny pills into his palm and smiled sadly. "Will they affect him badly?"

"I don't know," Logan admitted, and Thomas sucked in a sharp breath. "I can theorise that they may have a...heightened affect due to Anxiety being a heightened trait of your personality but...this time, Thomas, I really don't know.

Thomas squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed the pills dry as one lone tear traced his cheek.