Why You Shouldn't Lend A Bad Boy Your Clothes

Chapter 31

I almost slipped and told her that no, I wasn't okay and things weren't alright, but then I came back to my senses. This wasn't the person who offered comforting hugs and reassuring words anymore. This was the person who hadn't really talked to me for almost two weeks now

Wrenching my arm out of her grasp, I took a step back. "I'm fine."

I half expected, half wished her to try again, to show that she cared at least a tiny bit, but she just nodded and walked off into the other direction.

After one last look at the door behind me, I turned around and left the house in a hurry to avoid any more unpleasant encounters.

Once I was sitting in the car, I didn't take the road leading to school, but drove in the opposite direction. The route to the cemetery was a familiar one, even though I hadn't been there in a while. I spent the time it took to get there in silence, letting my thoughts wander. They inevitably started to revolve around Hunter sooner or later, but by that time I was already pulling up in one of the parking spaces.

The graveyard was small, hidden behind ivy-clad brick walls on the outskirts of town. The rusty metal gate creaked when I pushed it open and stepped inside. Bushes and trees lined the narrow path leading to the small chapel, but that wasn't the route I took.

Instead I went straight to a more secluded corner of the cemetery, the one where the dates of birth and the dates of death on the tombstones started to be closer and closer, until they were only decades, months, weeks apart. Ragged teddy bears held watch next to weatherworn dolls, the colour drained from their once rosy cheeks and cheerful dresses to match the overcast sky. It was a disturbing sight, frozen porcelain smiles next to crosses and candles and death.

The grave I was looking for wasn't covered in toys, it was carpeted with flowers. White lilies. My mother's taste, not my brother's, that much I knew for sure.

Seeing his name on the tombstone still gave me a jolt, even after three years. My legs threatened to buckle at the sight, so I voluntarily sank to my knees, aware that I was almost mimicking the pose of the weeping angel that was perched in the middle of the grave.

"Hey, Luke," I said quietly, knowing that there wasn't a living soul near to witness my words. "How's it going up there?"

I remained silent for a moment, unsure of what to say next. Wind whispered in the leafs of the trees and caressed my cheek with icy fingers.

"Sorry that it's just me this year. I couldn't come with mom and dad. I don't think they'd want me to be here." I swallowed hard against the lump forming in my throat, then I muttered, "I really miss you at the moment. Like, a lot. I feel like if you were here, everything wouldn't be that bad. It's... it's really hard right now."

I couldn't bear the sight of his name carved into the stone, so I stared up at the sky instead. "Uhm... there's this boy. Hunter. And I... I love him so much it kind of hurts," I whispered. "It's just that every time I think that everything's okay... that we're going to be okay, something happens and then everything is terrible again. And right now I'm not sure if it's really worth it, but I also know that I don't want to be without him."

I fell silent, taking a deep breath. "You know, I think you'd like him. He's super into cars and he's really funny and smart and he's just... I wish you could have met him. You would have gotten along, I think."

I felt a soft smile tug at my lips at the thought. I could almost imagine them together, talking about types of engines or whatever. In the silence I could hear the creaking of the gate when someone else entered the cemetery and I closed my eyes. After a few steadying breaths I slowly got up. This had been a short visit, but just spending a few minutes here had been strangely comforting.