love like this

You don't think that'll do more damage?

It took me a few days before I worked up the guts to go and talk to Connor. I made the decision to just wear jeans and a hoodie as I went down to the kitchen where my dad was reading the paper.

"Dad?" He looked up when I spoke and smiled.

"Hey, Troye. What's up?"

"Can you tell me where Connor's staying? I want to go and talk to him."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I think we need to."

"Okay." He grabbed a scrap of paper and scribbled down the address, passing it to me "Good luck. Let us know how you go, okay?"

"Sure. Thanks dad."

I drove to the hotel with the music off and the silence ringing in the car. I wanted to be able to think but my mind was just blank. 

At the hotel, I checked in with the manager and made my way slowly up to the eighth floor where Connor was staying. I hadn't even thought about letting him know I was coming, something I realised as I walked down the corridor. Too late now.

I knocked on the door and waited patiently until it opened just a crack, being held mostly closed by the little chain but I could see Connor's surprised face.

"Troye? What are you doing here?"

"Can we talk?"

"Hold on a second." He closed the door again and I heard the click of the chain being unlatched before the door swung completely open. Inside the room, it didn't look like the Connor I knew had lived there. Connor always kept everything neat and tidy, no matter where he was but in this room, things were strewn everywhere and the bed was unmade. "I wasn't expecting company." He mumbled.

"It's fine." I replied as he hurried over to the bed and pulled the covers up so it was somewhat made. He sat on it and gestured for me to sit beside him. I did and turned to look at him properly. He looked like he hadn't slept at all, dark bruises under his eyes and his usually perfectly styled hair lay flat against his head.

"What did you want to talk about?" He asked after a moment. I bit my lip for a second and reached for his hand.

"Connor, I've done a lot of thinking these past few days. I love you, Connor. I love you so, so, so much. I never realised it was possible to love someone as much as I love you."

"That's the conclusion you came to?"

"No. Look, I want to fix everything between us. I really do. That's why I'm here today. My mum suggested that maybe we need to have a good, long discussion about everything, how we feel and all that, to really start healing our relationship."

"We did talk. And look where it got us."

"But we didn't talk about everything. We just talked on the surface."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, we didn't talk about how we felt about each other cheating. We have never talked about how we feel about the long-distance part."

"Oh."

"Yeah." He finally looked up at me and I could see tears in his emerald eyes. I smiled softly and raised one hand to gently cup his cheek. "I think we need to really talk about it all."

"You don't think that'll do more damage?"

"No. I think it will really help."

"Okay then. Where do we start?" I pulled him to sit more in the centre of the bed, both of us cross-legged as we faced each other.

"You go first. Tell me what you feel when we have to be apart."