Chapter 23 - Something

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I did not know what I had expected, but this wasn't it. I had left that rooftop with something heavy inside my body. I had walked into his room with a longing for him deeply lodged in my chest. And he had turned away from me without a single moment of hesitation, with a sudden distance in his voice that I had not been braced for. He had all but dismissed me, ending the night with a simple set of forced words.

It was such a turn of events from what I had anticipated that I was still reeling. Still in shock. I began to wonder what I had done wrong. Walking wordlessly to my room, I took my sleeping clothes and a hair pin. The second shower of the day was hot and lengthy, with the water burning on my skin. I had to sit over the toilet and breathe a few times to regain myself because the heat had made me weaken with something akin to fatigue. I was red when I looked at myself in the mirror, and shrugged it off as I dressed. Quietly, I found myself walking toward my room, and noticed that each light was left on as before I had showered. He had not gone to bed yet.

I sat on a comfortable chair by the window inside my room and took out the book I had brought with me. I went to the precise page I had marked and pretended to care about the words that appeared. But I forgot every single sentence they formed until I became honest with myself and put the book aside.

There was no way that I would be able to read, let alone focus on anything that required the least bit of attention. Low television. Perhaps really low television might do the trick. But it was just as pointless, and I tucked myself into the sheets of the bed with nothing but the light of the bedside table to keep me from complete darkness.

A clock informed me that it was three in the morning. The hours had slipped by in painful and excruciating speed. My feet found themselves moving, pressing against the cold marble floors so that the temperature was shocking against my bare toes. I had forgotten what it was like to feel cold.

The lights in the hallway were off. There was a distant gleam of light coming from my left, where the open living room and kitchen would be. He could have left on a single light in the case that I woke up and needed something, and he very well could be asleep in his bed by now. I did not know for sure, but I kept moving in the direction of the light, and had my heart beating steadily by my ears.

I walked without a sound, hiding myself behind the corner of a wall before stepping into the open. He was not there, as I had hoped he would be, by the living room. With a sigh I continued to move, and felt a hitch in my breathing as I looked out toward the glass windows. I had not noticed that they were not windows, but in fact were a set of sliding doors. He stood outside them, atop a balcony with the night spread out around him. From where I stood I could see the back of his form, changed into a simple white t-shirt and gray sweatpants. He resembled me, ready for resting but unable to stop moving.

I moved to him instinctively, seeing in my mind his body as when it had wanted me. I moved in hopes of taking that warmth around me, the heat of his skin and his voice and those murky green eyes. If he had said one word to me earlier when I stood behind him, needing him, I would have yielded to that word.

My hand met the sliding glass door, and I pushed it open with one bold sweep.

He turned around. Surprise entered his eyes for one remote second, and then it was gone. He looked at me carefully, then leaned his body against the thin railing behind him. "Jules."

"Hey," I said dumbly.

"I thought you were asleep. Did you need anything?"

Yes, I wanted to say. You. But I refrained myself and just watched him. His eyes were deeply set, expecting me to speak.

I remained silent. I took in every feature of him, let myself just look at Emmett for once without hiding it from him. He shifted once again, and I could see the tension in his face through the change of his eyes, his suddenly clenched jaw. Every strong and toned muscle became hardened in his body.

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