"I know I haven't been there for you as much as I should've, but there wasn't a day in my life I loved you any less. No matter what, you will always be my son and I will love you till the day I die. Jilanne and I may not have been together, but she still holds a very special place in my heart. She birthed the one person that means the most to me, and I will love her forever because of that."
Everyone got on there feet and started to clap. Chris walked over to me and opened his arms expecting a hug, and I would've totally walked past him but we're in public so I just hugged him back.
Now it was my turn to speak. I honestly didn't know what to say. I let her down. All she wanted was to be forgiven and I let her die thinking I hated her.
"All my life my mother was the one there for me. Many of you know that my father wasn't around at the time so mom took the role of being both parents. She was a workaholic, always was at work to make extra money just to put food on the table. When I was younger I used to hate that about her, that she'd always be at work. I wouldn't talk to her whenever she would miss a track meet I had or a talent show I was in, or even when I played the lead in our middle school play Annie. How can you tell your child that in order for you to accompany a game or show that they're in that they would have to sacrifice a meal or maybe even their home. It's not possible.
"So she dealt with my stage of hating her even though I know it broke her heart. It wasn't until I grew up a little and realized what she must've been going through, working seven days a week, and double jobs. I even tried to get a job but if you know her you know how stubborn she is...was, I think that's a trait I definitely took from her. So it wasn't until two years ago that she finally found a good and stable job, enough to provide for us. Even then she was still all about work but I at least got to see her more.
"What I'm trying to say is that my mom never gave up looking out for me and protecting me. She sacrificed a social life, heck she sacrificed a personal life so that I could have whatever I needed. I'm a teen guy, so you can only imagine the amount of begging I would have to go through during a week to get her to buy me the newest and latest J's coming out that saturday. She never let me walk out of the house looking broke, but that meant she had to dress in the less expensive clothes. She did all that so her son didn't have to be made fun of or bullied.
"My mom and I recently went through an argument which ended in us both saying some unforgivable things. I...I..." I stopped and just looked at the people sitting in the rows
All the people that came to support my family in this loss of ours. Then I looked at the front row, where Dillon, India, Dom, Tyler, Chris and Veronica sat. The whole row was occupied besides two seats, mine and one with Damien's name on it. He never showed.
"When my mom died I was lost. It made me regret all that I had said, made me regret never forgiving her every time she apologized. If it wasn't for my friends sitting up here in the front row I don't know if I would be in the mood right now. It's taking me so much strength to not cry, not because it's not what she wanted but because if I let myself get knocked into depression again I don't think I'll recover from that. She may be gone, but she'll never be forgotten to me. I love you mommy"
Everyone was on their feet clapping out loud and cheering, I guess they forget we're at a funeral and not a football game. Then again my family is made up of loud ass people so I guess. Afterwards I went to stand on the side while my moms siblings and other family members talked about her.
"Thank you family, now please may we all stand for our second prayer"
I walked back to my seat, closed my eyes, and bowed my head.
Wrongful Lust | 25
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