Saudade // c.h.

sixteen

I sat at the bottom of the carpet stairs with a cup of beer in my hand but I refused to drink it. I was never a drinking type and the only reason I had it was because I knew if I was seen not holding a plastic cup in my hand, I would just keep being offered and offered over again and over again. So here I am, at the bottom of a flight of stairs, sitting uncomfortably next to two wasted people making out aggressively, who I recon don't even know each other's names, with a untouched cup of beer in my hands. 

I groaned as I pushed the boy and girl aside and got up from the stairs and walked off to the kitchen of the house where I found one girl sitting on top of the kitchen counter with a cigarette in her hand. Although I was relieved that I had found a quiet place to be, I was also scowling at myself for finding  a place next to a smoker.

The girl who was smoking had very light blonde hair with pink highlights and was wearing very smudged makeup, a plaid mini skirt, and a very crop  top with the words 'RAD' printed across them. And well no shoes because I guess she was a barefoot kind of person.

"Want one?" She offered holding out a pack of cigarettes which I simply rejected. It didn't feel right being here, in this area because in the back of my mind I still remember everything that had happened in the past when I went to these parties.

I would come, get wasted, go home, and get in trouble with my mom, and then I would find her crying later on her room because she thought it was her fault I turned out so 'screwed up.' And that's when I started sneaking out instead of going to parties. It was my way of just relaxing and having time to myself to think. I stopped going to the parties and in replacement, I would sneak out at around 2 in the morning and just take a walk and that's how I ended up stuck seeing Annette dead.

"Are you okay?" The smoking girl asked, waving her hand in front of my face.

"What?" I said, snapping out of my daze.

"You just completely zoned out there." The girl smiled. She was beautiful really, she had lovely smile, her hair was pretty neat, and even though she was a little open with her clothing, it suited her look. 

"I tend to do that a lot." I shrugged.

"Are you sure you don't want one?" The girl offered again, holding out her pack of cigarettes.

"My uncle died from smoking so, no thanks." I said.

"Well that sucks." The girl said releasing a puff of smoke from her mouth.

"Do you come to these often?" I asked.

The girl shrugged, "now and then, I just do it to piss my parents off and get some time to myself, you know? I never really liked the idea of the whole getting wasted and grinding on someone you never met thing."

"Okay, you want to be alone but, you're at a party?" I chuckled.

"I was alone in this kitchen before you came along, and like I said, it's to piss my parents off." the girl grinned, "plus, these parties just are my little reminders to hang loose, especially with my parents up my ass, scowling at me every day for going what they call insane." 

I laughed, "that's cool."

"It's Hailey, by the way." The girl smiled.

"Fay." I said, smiling weakly.

"Don't you have a boyfriend or something? I saw you walk in with one earlier." Hailey said.

"Not exactly my boyfriend but I mean, he ran off to get drunk or something and I'm not really the drinking kind of person." I shrugged.

"Wow, you don't smoke or drink!" Hailey laughed, "man you really have your life together."

"In a way." I sighed, thinking of Annette.