Curiosity Killed The Cat (Khan/OC Fanfiction)

Letting Go

 Elizabeth opened the door to the flat mechanically. No thought or hesitation. Only action. She strode in a confident manner that would have made him proud down the hallway into the sitting room. It was here she stopped and allowed herself to take in the scene.

It was just as she'd left it.

Blanket strewn over the back of the sofa. A book lying open on the chair. The curtains flung wide open. A cup of rancid chai tea that went cold on that morning one year ago. Blood on the carpet.

The same old sound of the water heater running downstairs. The creak of the wooden floorboards. The scuff of her boots against the floor. The crackling of the book's spine as she closed it, losing her place from a year ago.

The feel of that goddamn coffee table underneath her fingertips, even beneath the thick layer of dust, made her gasp, forcing her to take in a loaded breath of the smell.

The earthy, clean, and somehow ancient smell of him--that's what got her. That's what stung.

Because suddenly it was all different, it was all back in its place. The tea. The book. The carpet. Her. Him. They were there, standing side by side looking at each other, the one place in the universe where they belonged; not in some fucking cryotube and not alone, they were never supposed to be alone.

She fell to her knees and imagined herself screaming for him until her voice went hoarse. She imagined herself shouting John, Khan, John, Khan, Khan, Khan until it was the only thing she remembered how to say at all.

Elizabeth didn't, she got to her feet and threw the old, vile tea out the window and into the back alley.

She walked. Office. Kitchen. Stairs.

Then she walked into the bedroom and wished for the millionth time in a year that she was dead. Although she made no sound when she picked his shirt up off their bed, her hands were shaking violently, and her knees nearly buckled beneath her. Gently, she pulled the airtight bag out of her satchel, the one she'd brought just for this purpose, and put the shirt in. She sealed it and a sour, heavy knowledge that the heart-wrenching smell would be preserved forever settled in her abdomen, right next to her heart.

Then Brave New World. The copy he'd bought with her back in San Francisco before everything she'd loved so much was decimated, but also before it existed.

The note he'd taken down that morning in pen in the front cover, like he had once before, was covered in dust but still there.

Elizabeth,

I will come back for you. Just wait for me.

Khan

She wanted to scream. He said 'wait' as if it were the simplest thing. Her past self had woken up that morning and taken comfort in this message, of all things. She hadn't known. She hadn't known anything.

Elizabeth found the ring in the closet.

She didn't know how or if or when he was going to present it to her, he'd probably bought it before he realized who he was, but her initials were engraved inside the band and she knew they should have gotten married. Her better, past self wouldn't have wanted to, she would have prioritized Starfleet first, but the Elizabeth who stood there then holding that ring...

Elizabeth suddenly felt the need to speak to him, as she had a thousand times before, but this time she knew exactly what it was she needed to say.

"I'm sorry, Khan," She finally spoke aloud, to the ring, to the room, to the home, to him: asleep in his cryotube on the other side of the world. "I'm sorry because I should have stayed by your side. So many times I walked away from you when you'd asked me to stay, I regret that more than anything. I would have been so proud to be your wife, no matter if you won or lost in the end, and I wish I'd known that before everything went to shit." She was the one who'd done the betraying and the leaving in the end, not Khan. Not Khan.

Then she let her head hang for a moment, and she imagined his hand on her shoulder. Here in this room, she could almost feel it. She could almost feel him.

And there she stayed, for a long, long time.

Even when she'd walked out, shirt, ring, and book deep in her bag, she was still there in their room, head and heart heavy.

Even when she locked the front door behind her and looked to Charles, who was sitting on the step, waiting patiently for her like he always had been.

"Hey," He said nervously, skittering to his feet as she stepped down the stairs to join him. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Elizabeth smiled, meaning the smile but not the response. "Just had to get some stuff, no big deal. I still can't believe you missed the rechristening of the Enterprise to come here with me, you didn't have to."

"I told you, it's not a big deal," Charles smiled brightly with all the love he had. "You shouldn't have to do this sort of thing alone, and Dawn had that doctor's appointment. We've been over this."

"I guess we have," Elizabeth shrugged. "Thank you, Charles."

Charles did not say anything, but he took her hand, and she let him.

And there she stayed, holding his hand, and not letting go, for a long, long time.