ALMOST A BRIDE (Open On Annie)

12

When I was still fabulous, cool, fashion forward and had a social life, I found myself at an uber-trendy Hip-Hop party. They had a live act that night; two dancers came out onto the stage and squared off in a kind of ‘dance- off’. One would jump in with an amazing, complex and highly elaborate routine, the other would then have to mimic it and then add to it. And so it went, until the crowd was screaming and clapping as the dancers bent, and jumped and back- flipped their way around each other in a battle of almighty proportions- to prove who was the best.

Looking at T squared's faces popping out of the palm tree- I was reminded of those dancers. They had just waged full-blown war on us. This was an invitation to join the battle.

“Hi.” I waved at them. I was starting to get the distinct impression that perhaps they were both psychotic, bordering on the edge of being lunatics.

Chris hissed at me, “You’ve got to be kidding right?” And then turned to them with his million-dollar smile, “Hi guys, so nice to see you. What a coincidence.”

They both smiled in unison and then Trev uttered the unthinkable.

“Do you want to join us for some roof top drinks?’ Bright, white dental advert smile again.

Pause.

Lets take a moment here please people…

They- cheating, heart breaking boyfriend, and gorgeous slutty mistress- were asking us to have drinks with them. As if there was nothing wrong. As if nothing had ever transpired between us. Long lost friends, buddies, pals. I take back that “bordering” part; these two were certifiable.

And the only reason Trev was asking us for drinks, was so he could take center stage in his one-man show entitled, “My wonderful, super-awesome life.” I’m sure all he wanted to do was tell us about his new sports car, his successful new firm, his amazing sex life, his blessed joys. #happiness #blessed #lifeisgreat #love #mylifeiswaybetterthatyourlifesoyoubetterbegreenwithenvy

p.s I’m a prick.

“Um…”

Chris stepped forward, “Absolutely!”

“What?” I shot him sharp dagger eyes.  “Absolutely not. We can’t. We were just about to…to…” I couldn’t think of one thing that sounded like a good enough excuse to get out of drinks. “Talk about and plan our wedding. We still need to decide on the flowers you know.”

Tess nodded understandingly, “I get it. It’s just so hard to know what flowers to go with. I was torn between red roses- because they're so classic and elegant- like we are, and then orchids, because they are so exotic and open like our love is.”

*BARF*

“Mmmm,” I said. “Such a hard one.”

Trev and Tess nodded and their heads finally disappeared behind the leaves. I swung around and glared at Chris, “Why the hell did you say yes.” I demanded.

“He shrugged, “I thought it would be funny. And weird. We could have come back with enough fodder to mock them for the next year!”

“Hey” I stepped forward assertively, “This is not character research for one of your movies. Or some fun, entertaining storyline. This is real life. My life.”

“You’re right.” Chris said, “I’m sorry, it would have been horrible to put you in such an awkwa---“

HAHAHAHAH!