True Love....

The pain.

“here you apply the turmeric to her.” My mom gives to my granny.
“first call another girl to sit with her.” My granny says to my mom.
“I’ve called sam for this wait…. I’ll get her…” mom says as she turns towards my room. I sat at the entrance of my room watching all these.
“let her be inside. She has exams…. Call someone else…” my granny says.
“she is radhika’s sister mom… its her right to sit with her.” My mom says.
“please mala. That child is struggling with her exams…. You know this is her dream. She wants to do her MD in Germany. She is studying for that. Don’t disturb her.” Granny says.
“whats wrong? These days you like her more? This wasn’t the same few days back I suppose.” My mom asks my granny teasing her.
“I never hated her though.” My granny retorted.

Its true. I never got that kind of love and affection from my granny until few days back, when she was revealed to one of the biggest secret of my life. After that she became my best friend. I don’t know if she loved me even now, or she felt pity on me. but she cared for me. I couldn’t tell mom dad or radhika about this secret. They were too happy with the marriage. I was too, who won’t be happy with their sisters’ marriage. I was scared to go out of my room. They would ask reasons for my puffy eyes, dark circles around it. I would get caught as I wouldn’t probably lie properly.
“sam….” My mom shouts from the hall where rituals were going on.

“sam, child how long can you be here. Mala called you many times, she would come here to take you. I guess you don’t want her to come here. Go wash your face and come we’ll go…” my grand pa caresses my hair. I was just lying on his lap. I nodded and went towards the rest room.
“she’s coming mala. Wait.” I hear him reply for me. I sighed washing my face. After some efforts to make up my face until, I felt that I covered my dark circles and puffy eyes properly, we went down.
“come fast… how many times to call you…. she’s is your only sister. Can’t you be here for her?” my mom scolds while dragging me to sit me down with her.
“sorry mom…” I said, afraid, if I may lose my control over my voice.
“okay… lets start the ritual.” She says. I can sense her ignoring me. she’s angry. This is not something new. Everyone would scold me, taunt me, tease me, except my dad and my grandpa.
I looked at my granny who is not as happy as she should be in her granddaughter’s wedding. I smile and she replies with a frown. She comes and stands next to me.
“sam please don’t be like this. Your faking your smile. It won’t take more than a minute for others to judge you.”
“I can’t help with it. I’m trying my best. She’s happy now, let her not doubt about something wrong. We will talk later.” I said. I’m controlling myself really hard not to breakout in here. She knew I was struggling.
Only my grandparents knew of it.

“she’s is sad as her sister is leaving her to live with her husband. Isn’t sam?” my relative asked me. I faked a smile at her before nodding.
“I will always be with you Sammy….” Radhika said. She was so true. She had always been on my side. I smiled at her whole hearted while she pulled me into a hug.
“guess your boyfriend pulled out his hand?” she whispered into my ears still hugging me.
“shut up…” I said as I pulled out.
“I don’t have any boyfriend.”
“you seem so vulnerable… whats wrong?” she asked. She catches me easily.
“nothing… I would miss you….” I said dryly.
“I would miss you too…” she said before giving me a peck on my forehead.

Granny took some turmeric in her hands, rubbed her palms against each other and applied it on radhika’s cheek, hands, feet. She did the same with me but the amount of turmeric was less. She blessed us with the holy rice (we call it akshatha) and next mom came. She did the same. Later all the ladies did the same.

“sam go get changed…” mom said after the rituals were complete.
‘and yeah… get radhika’s clothes fast. We would be in the bathroom.” She said and I nodded.
I went to my room cleaned myself and went upto her room to get her clothes. Her phone rang while I was gathering her clothes which fell when I opened the door of the wardrobe. I sighed and dropped the clothes. I took the phone and my hand shook at the sight of the name. Arjun. I just didn’t want to talk to him. I fear that I would blurt out something that may cause nonsense. I made my mind and clicked the green button.
“hello…” his smooth voice sent shivers down my spin.
“radhika darling done with your rituals?” he asked.
“Arjun..... radhika is..... not here. I’ll ask her .... to call you…” I stammered and immediately tried shutting the phone.
“wait Sammy…. Won’t you talk to me? you behave weird these days…” he asked me a second later.
“its nothing Arjun…. Just stress… my exams are nearing and we have your marriage too… so am quite busy…”
“yeah… my marriage…. Radhika would become radhika Arjun.” He said dreamily.
My heart clenched and my eyes fled at the name. I always dreamt his name attached to mine.

“Arjun… mom’s calling…. I’ll tell radhika to call you….” I say and shut the phone immediately not waiting for his reply.
I went to the wardrobe and took her clothes when something shining stuck my eyes on her table. I stuffed the clothes back and went to have a look at it. it was the gold chain he had gifted her on his proposal for marriage. The ring he gave her on the day he proposed his love was hooked into it. that was beautiful. Radhika was really blessed to have him. He was handsome, caring, successful and what not. They were a perfect pair as she was no less to him in her beauty, brains and success. I didn’t want to be a block in their way.
In no less than a second their wedding card flashed to my eyes. I took it in my hands and opened. My heart hurt to see some other name instead of mine. True she was my sister…. I know that…. but this stupid heart of mine still beats for him. I don’t even know if I can forget him. It seemed next to impossible. My great fate gave me a chance to listen to him confessing his love for her in front of me.

********
Past....

“ sam stand here…”
“hmmm….. I know you from childhood…. we have quarrelled till no limits…. You have plucked my hair and I plucked yours…. I made you angry for all the world’s silly reasons…. And you were no less in this…. I have made a place in your parents and the same with you and my parents… I stole your ice creams… I stole your chocolates…. I added chili in your food…. And what not…. You seemed so irritating to me from the start… but I felt a strong connection between us… I don’t know if you like me… but I love you… with all my hearts and minds…. And in no way I can live without you in this crazy world. I can see my future with you and two kids of ours…. Playing in the garden of our house where, as you like, rose plants are planted…. In my dreams…. I want to bear all the thick and thins with you and only you…. say yes if you want my dream to come true… if not please don’t avoid me… I don’t want to lose your friendship….” He says.
I was awestruck at his confession. My eyes teared up. I had dreamt of this…. My heart thudded.
“how was this? Will she accept me?” he asked. She? Wasn’t it for me?
“she?” I asked questioningly.
“sam…. I love radhika…. Will you help me proposing her??” he asked and I couldn't deny being his best friend like he was to me. that day was something that I can never forget in my life. I was gifted to select the ring for her. Great… isn’t? my love would propose my own sister…. Was it a matter to be happy that my sister is getting world’s best person as her partner, or a matter to be sad that my love will be proposing my sister choosing her over me?...

*******

I didn’t know then, I don’t know now….

“sam its getting late…. Come” my granny who came to take me nudged me, wiping my tears. I hugged her and cried for a while. Why does heart break make us so weak?
“you will find the best person for you soon….” She said patting my cheek after breaking the hug.
"I don't get what I want. " I said disheartened.
"I will find someone for you soon.... " she promised before dragging me out of my room. Now I promise myself to concentrate on her marriage.