Hersenspinsels

Every second, every heartbeat

The clock was still ticking, just like the night before. The night before it just ticked louder and faster and too fast for my heartbeat to keep up.
This morning it didn't. I woke up, and time passed, and it was fine. My heart was beating, the clock was ticking, and it was fine.
It's weird when you don't know when to worry and when not to. Sometimes you just don't. I just didn't this morning. I opened my window even though it was too cold, and I wasn't wearing much. My cat came to breathe in the same fresh air I did. Then I just sat there, and time was ticking, and it was fine.

You might not understand, I don't either. The clock always ticks, it's always fine. No, to me it's not. I don't know why, but time is an evil thing to me. It haunts me and it chases me, it grabs me and it pulls me. It brings me down.
Sometimes it doesn't, sometimes it does.
Last night it did, and I couldn't handle it very well. My heart tried to keep up with the clock, making me breathless. The fresh air I breathed this morning was what I needed most last night.

I asked for help but that's the last thing it did when I admitted I was panicking. Maybe I didn't use the right words to explain what was going on. Maybe the words I used told my brain to panic even more. Or maybe the clock really did tick faster and faster and louder and louder.

The point is, it's fine. It always has been fine and always will be. Me and my heartbeat just need to remember that. Because time won't stop, the clock won't either. And I know there's an ending somewhere, but not every moment, every second, every heartbeat depends on it.