Moments

Use Your Words

ISAK: [his voice breathy. He lightly places his hands on Even's hips as he moves over him] Am I?

EVEN: Yes. I think so. [Straddles Isak's thighs] Can't you picture it?

ISAK: Maybe. I don't know how good I would be at teaching others.

EVEN: You'd be phenomenal.

ISAK: [small smile, his eyes soft with wonder] You think so?

EVEN: [nods and shifts, bringing them closer] I know it.

ISAK: [his eyes flutter shut] Even...

EVEN: Soon. Open your eyes.

See me. He wants to say.

Isak obeys, and the look on his face wrecks Even. There's so much there. Love, respect, awe, belief. Belief. In him. It's mind-blowing.

ISAK: You're going to take the film industry by storm.

EVEN: [smiling] Yeah?

ISAK: Yeah. You'll win a few Amandas, and then you'll win an Oscar.

EVEN: [brows raised] An Oscar? Really?

ISAK: [smiling up at him, his hands caressing Even's chest, face, thighs] Yes. And you'll thank me in your acceptance speech.

EVEN: Of course I would.

ISAK: You'll say I inspired you or something sappy like that.

EVEN: Because you do. Always.

ISAK: I hope I'm there for that.

EVEN: [breath catching] Yeah?

ISAK: [trembles]

EVEN: What?

ISAK: Tell me.

EVEN: Tell you what, babe?

ISAK: Everything. Everything you want, everything you see, all of it.

EVEN: [leans down and kisses him] Don't panic.

ISAK: I'll try not to. Just...talk to me. Tell me.

Even takes a deep breath and reaches over to the side table. He grabs what he needs and lifts up to his knees. Moments later, he lowers himself, brings them as close as he can. They both shudder and Even takes a minute to catch his breath.

ISAK: [shaky laugh] This is so not fair.

EVEN: Shhh...

They move gently, in no hurry.

EVEN: What I see is us, always us. Together even when we're apart. You'll go away to school or I will. Or we both will. But it won't matter, Isak. It doesn't matter where you are because you're always with me. Do you get that? Do you know that you live inside me? I can't take a breath without feeling you.

Isak shivers as Even moves above him, his hands gripping him tightly. Isak pulls him down into a kiss that goes on and on. And on.

ISAK: [gasping for air] Jesus...

EVEN: [moving with purpose] I am stupid over you, Issy. You fucking own me. Do you understand? I am yours. Yours.

ISAK: Even... [his hands fly into Even's hair]

EVEN: You can't see forever, I know. I know, baby. I know. But I can. I can see it. I can taste it. And so, I'll wait. I'll wait for you to see it too. I won't pressure you, I'll try not to put any pressure on you. I do try.

ISAK: [panting] I know.

EVEN: It's so hard, because the words...the right ones, the small ones, they don't always come. Only the big ones. The ones that scare the shit out of you. Out of us both.

ISAK: [barely breathing] Scares you too?

EVEN: [laughs softly] Fuck, Isak. Yes, it scares me. Because I'm so sure. I'm so...fuck, baby...I just know.

ISAK: B-because...you see it. OhGod

EVEN: Yes.

ISAK: Us.

EVEN: Yes. [losing his rhythm]

ISAK: [groans] Always...

EVEN: [siezed by a pleasure sparked by Isak's] Yes...yes...always...yes...

There are no more words for a while, only thundering hearts, and shuddering breaths. Even stretches out on the bed next to Isak and tries to count the stars that swirl behind his eyes.

The room grows quiet as the minutes pass and panic settles into Even's gut once more. He's said too much, revealed too much, pushed too far, fucked everything up again, he...

ISAK: [quietly] Even?

EVEN: [terrified] Yeah?

ISAK: Thank you for sticking to the little words for me.

EVEN: [exhales] Sure, of course. Whatever you need.

ISAK: But...

EVEN: But? [holds his breath]

ISAK: I don't mind the big ones as much as I thought.

EVEN: [tries to temper the hope blooming in his chest] Nei?

ISAK: Nei. [slips his hand into Even's and rolls to his side to face him.] A professor? You think?

EVEN: [turns his head, not even bothering to hide the big ass smile] Yep, or a researcher of some kind. Though, I could totally see you torturing some poor second-years.

ISAK: [turns and laughs into Even's shoulder, throwing his arm across his chest] Sounds like fun. I could totally be into that. Make them squirm with pop quizzes.

EVEN: [chuckles] You can be a little snake sometimes.

ISAK: You have no idea.