Trapped

chapter 12

Kyungsoo could not erase the look King Jongin gave him that day. Was it regret he had seen? The glimpse of emotion on his king's face was bothering him. King Jongin looked almost... fragile. And lost.

He thought a moment, then uttered a small chuckle. It was absurd. He must have valued himself sky-high to let such ridiculous thinking slipping into his mind. He needed to settle for the realities of life; he was as common as dirt, and as cheap as one. Maybe it was because he was granted with so much free time, he had the audacity to pull off that kind of thought.

King Jongin had not summoned for him since that night. His shadow was not allowed to taint his king's sight, he supposed. He certainly did not need more proves to be shoved into his head; he had perfectly understood. His wounds had completely healed, but the filthy marks must have been permanently carved on him, tarnishing him.

Kyungsoo sighed. Never had he thought that he would become such a self-pitied person. He could not understand himself since he stepped into the palace. His only hope was that he would be granted to leave this place soon, or at least to be freed from his duty as a personal servant.

Or else he would lose himself.

Kyungsoo slapped his cheeks to bring him back into his senses. He had too much to think about already. The words Minho whispered in his ear clung on him, repeating themselves inside his head over and over again.

Won't you want to know about your parents' whereabouts?

Hasn't it occurred to you that I might know something regarding their lives?

Kyungsoo's breath hitched. He must erase Minho's poisonous words from his mind. It was merely an attempt to lure him into a trap. He had talked about the matter with his parents before he took his leave; if the situation got worse, his parents would abandon their home and secretly depart to live with his uncle. Nothing would happen to his father and his mother that they could not endure, his father convinced him.

It was not a relief. His parents had always thought they could endure everything.

His father made him swear not to contact them or try to look for them. They would send him a letter, his father promised him. There was nothing to be worried about, he said.

Kyungsoo didn't like the idea of him not being able to reach his family. Many things could go wrong. He hated to think that he wouldn't be there for his parents if anything happened. Even so, he didn't want his parents carrying the weight of his worries with them, and so he gave his father a simple nod.

Kyungsoo regretted everything now. Six months had passed without him getting any news from his parents. He had thrown out countless letters he wrote for them, fighting the impulse to actually send one. Why had not they sent him any letter? Was there a fraction of truth in Minho's words? He would be damned by Heaven if anything bad happened to his parents.

He wondered what kind of life he would have if he did not leave his home, and took the proposal forced to him instead. It could not be this bad; at least that way, he would get to see his parents.

Kyungsoo let out a soft sigh, chuckling bitterly. He should not burden himself over things that had passed. He gave his cheeks a soft slap. Letting his mind wander, he gazed blankly at the view before him.

***

"Kyungsoo, what are you doing, glaring with such spine-chilling expression at the innocent lake? You will scare off the fish that way," Wu Fan teased the boy as he came nearer. It was one of the rare days he was blessed with the luxury of seeing the boy.