Bitter sweet (Harry Styles fanfic)

Chapte 18

Shay P.O.V

I'm okay. He hurt me physically and emotionally but I'm ok. Why? Because I don't love him. But I think I do. He calls me everyday and texts me every minute of everyday, and each time I want to answer the phone and forgive him. I want to move back in with him and crawl up in his arms.

I want to hear him say I love you, I want to feel the calmness he brings to me at night instead of wake every morning feeling a little bit, more and more......alone. I want to hear his soft snores and wake up to him saying in his deep raspy voice that I. Beautiful. I want Harry. But every time he calls or texts I don't reply.

I. Just. Can't. I want him, but then reality sucks me back in and reminds me of all the bad that overrules the good. He calls me again. It rings a couple of times and on the last ring, I can't take it anymore I pick up the phone. "Yes." I say quietly. Harry's excited voice spills out words in a jumble over the phone "I'm so so so so so sorry Shay, I love you so much. I don't know what got into me. Are you okay? Did I hurt you really bad? How's your mom? God, peaches please let me explain. I love you." His voice sounds strained and desperate.

I close my eyes and take and deep breath. I'm about to tell him to meet me at my house after work but instead all I do is hang up.

Harry P.O.V

The line goes dead. "FUCK!" I yell and throw my phone at the wall, I watch the screen crack. I close my eyes and lean against the wall and fall to my knees. I burry my hands in my hair and try to clear my head. But the day mare takes over.

I'm at a funeral. The casket is open and everyone is sobbing and saying their last goodbyes. I slowly creep over and there she is. Shay. Her head all bloody and her cheeks stained with tears. I break down and weep. I kiss her lifeless body. I'm sorry I try to say I'm so sorry. But the words can't form.

I just stand there crying. I turn back around prepared to run out of the room, but everyone's staring at me. "You did this to her." One says "Just like your father, you are a MONSTER!" Another one sneers. They all chant horrible things at me cutting me down one by one until I feel so small that even a fly could kill me with one step.

"No." I mutter. I close my eyes shut and bang my fists against the wall. Harder and harder each time, trying to wake me up for. This horrible dream. "NO!" I mutter again louder. I open my eyes and my hand is bloody and my walls are red.

I clean up my house and leave for the tattoo parlor. This tattoo is just going to be a wall with a giant hole in it.

Shay P.O.V

Running, screaming, yelling, sprinting. Those things don't help when you're in a dream. You could run 500 miles and still get no where. You could scream until your face turns purple and you could still get slaughtered. But what does make the dream stop, wither away. Well I'm not sure really.

Harry made it stop, he made it go away, but yet I don't love him. I want him, I like him. I do not love. Love is the hardest battle anyone could ever win, but if your lucky someone will let you win. But sooner or later they will reveal that they are better then you, and leave. Love is fake.

When I come home this time after work. I pull up and Harry is sitting there on my porch, he looks exhausted. As soon as I open my door he runs full speed at me and picks me up off the ground and kisses my passionately. I wrap my legs around his torso. His hands grip my thighs, my hands tug his hair. He carries me to my door and takes the keys from my pocket.

He opens the door while our lips are still connected. He slams the door shut and walks up to my bedroom. He lays me down gently on the bed finally breaking the kiss we both breath rapidly. Our chest heaving up and down. He pulls his shirt over his head and does the same thing with mine.

I bends down and kisses my stomach tenderly. I giggle and he laughs still kissing my stomach.he lifts me up slightly and I hooks my bra. I press my bare chest onto his. Our lips meet. He lifts me up higher and crawls further up on the bed. He lays me on the pillows and kisses me again.

He starts to undress me slowly as he does himself. Sex the first time was painful and slow and nerve wrecking. But this, this is fast and sure, and beautiful. I feel complete. I feel full.

The nightmares and doubts and troubles in my life wither away with one single touch from him. As we start to near our highs he goes faster and harder. I fist the sheets and arch my back up our chest meet again. He kisses my forehead softly. I moan loud and breath heavily. Harry's eyes are closed and he lays his head between my breasts.

My body rocks with pleasure and we both release. His body collapse onto mine. Our bodies are sweaty and our breathing is rigid. He flips us over so I'm laying on top of him. He pulls the covers over us and kisses me again. "I love you." He says breathlessly. I don't say anything, I just nod and kiss his chest, finally letting myself drift off into a perfectly calm slumber.

(A/n) it's so incredibly fucking awkward writing graphic scenes but they make them fun and interesting so.....enough of that let's change the subject. I hope you like this chapter!! Comment vote and TELL YOUR FRIENDS!!! Sending love -Maddie xoxo ps OMG HARRY IS TWENTY LIKE WOW!