After All We've Been Through (Steve x reader)

Intuition

   The thin sheets are still too hot for the tropical Wakandan weather, and Steve kicks them off.

   The discarded fabric crumples atop the sweaty pillow Steve shoved away minutes earlier.

   It may be the heat, though the room has A/C. But Steve can't fall asleep.

   He knows, though. As if the cause of his insomnia isn't perfectly obvious.

   Steve misses you, terribly.

   Maybe he's being naive. Tony always thinks so. But is that an excuse for how Steve treated you?

   What good will all this reasoning do him? If he wants to know he should ask, right?

   Steve's hand hovers over the gold iPhone Tony bought him last year.

   You would tell him. He wasn't being insensitive.

   In a panic, he dials the number before he loses  his nerve.

   "Steve!" The voice on the other end is rough "Is this it, then? Are you coming back to us?"

   Steve swallows "I-I don't know Buck. Y/N is a little PO'ed at me right now."

   Buck sounds nervous "Did you tell her about the.. um, you know."

   "I didn't tell her." Steve says "For one I was, out of my head, and I didn't think she'd appreciate more secrets."

   "She's gonna kill you when she finds out." Buck muses, his voice breaking a little.

   "Yeah, I've put her through a lot."

    There's a rustling sound on Bucky's end "Look, You and I know this situation better then any off them. Schmidt may have evolved with the current technology, but he's still the same man he was in the 40's. You can't be indecisive about any off this, especially Y/N."

   "I know" Steve throws his legs over the side of the bed "I'm coming as soon as I can, but there are some things I need to take care of."

   "Don't do anything stupid, Steve." Bucky's tone is scolding.

   "When have you ever been able to stop me?" Buck can hear his best friend smiling.

   "Seriously though, you get hurt or mess up real bad and I'm sending Y/N to finish the job."

   "Noted. I'll see you in a bit." Steve balances the phone on his shoulder and reaches for his luggage.

   "See ya, Stevie."

   When Steve had enough control of his mind he wrote in an empty notebook Y/N had brought with them. He used it to recall what little he could remember and what his objectives were.

   Among the long paragraphs of mission intel were hastily scrawled notes in the margins accompanied by the occasional sketch.

   A rough rendering of Y/N's smiling face stares at him hovering over the words:  There's so much I want to tell you.

   Steve vaguely remembers the drawing and the fury of urgency that possessed him to write it.

    Your face appears a dozen times as he flips through the notebook.

    Anger clouding his reason, he hurls the book across the room.

   There are always battles to be fought and villains to be hunted, but the love of his life is rare. He ought to have told you the truth, about everything.

    Maybe... maybe if he wasn't such a coward.