The Scream Behind The Screen {Markiplier X Abused Reader} [First Draft]

Useless

I didn't want to do this, but it is overwhelming. I can't take it anymore.

This is plan Z.

No one will miss me.

No one will remember my name.

No one will regret not knowing who I am really.

No one gave me a chance to show what I have to offer.

I clawed at the pavement in such desperation to find an escape or an answer to all my problems.

I tried for so many years.

People treated me so badly but I loved all of them anyways. I held last place when it came to my mother's heart. She loved our cats so much, she bought them food and let us slowly die from starvation and dehydration.

I have so many problems...

I can't find my three other siblings... I wished I could've held them in my arms once... Just once... To breathe in who they are and to look them in the eyes and say 'I love you, so much.' To hold my sister, I didn't get the privilege of knowing about until she was six months old, in my arms and let her know I always thought about her. Because every time I hear my middle name, I think of her since we share a name. To hold my 4 year old brother's small hand right before he goes in for his 100th surgery in hopes one day he might be able to walk out of the hospital and feel the sun's warmth for the first time. As I hold his hand with both of mine, holding it as a delicate flower, and say, 'I'm here. Don't worry, I'll be right here when you come out.' I'll never get the chance to say 'I love you,' to my sister Misty. She was taken. The last memory of her is her crying, begging us to not let her dad and step mother take her away. I haven't seen her for maybe seven years. It's hard to be excited for Christmas when her birthday is December 18th and the last memory of her is all I have left. There is too large of a chance she's dead from abuse and neglect, I don't want to accept it.

I'm sorry...

I couldn't get close to anyone because the past is holding strong onto me. You guys suffer an empty loss all because someone thought it would be funny to try to take my life, innocence and peace of mind. The me you knew was nothing more than an empty shell looking for every single chance to feel alive again.

I'm sorry...

But I have nothing to offer.

Now all that I ever was, am and will be is gone.

I can rest easy now.

Please be happy and live your days to the fullest. 

I love you guys, but I don't want to fight anymore.

N.

Tears fell like rain. I don't know her and she had hit home, playing on my heart strings like a mad pianist making lullabies to soothe every pain possible all at once, leaving a song to keep us up just to wonder about her tragedies. 

"She had it hard... She really tried..." He wiped the tears again, taking a breather. "I wish I knew her like I know her name..."

I stared at the message. Closing my eyes in understanding, I turned off the phone in hopes of the looping words would fade. "Mark..."

"I want to be alone for a bit." He stood to his feet and walked in the backyard. My eyes followed him as Jack tried to catch up.

I guess they don't know what it's like to love so violently, it's hard to contain a heart so big in such a small cage. Sometimes we don't want people to worry about how our burdens and problems, we keep it to ourselves. Even then, suicide should never be an option...