Back At One - All Bad Sequel

7. Be With You

Monday night and I feel so low
I count the hours but they go so slow
I know the sound of your voice can save my soul...
- Enrique Iglesias

After I dropped Justin off at the airport I cried. This time somehow felt harder than the last time he left. He held me in his arms, whispering he loved me against my hair. I didn't want to let go, but I eventually walked away.

As the days got shorter, the nights felt colder. I always put on a smile, hoping he wouldn't hear how sad I was through the phone whenever we talked. But when I hung up, everything always fell apart. I couldn't understand why I was being so emotional. I was happy to have him back and I knew he had to get back to his life, his career. That didn't stop the way I felt when we were apart.

I hated that I felt so emotional and cried from missing him so bad. But my heart hurt, which sent my emotions into overdrive and I couldn't help myself. One minute I was crying and the next, yelling at my assistant Jenna for overbooking my appointments. She was so shocked by my outburst. We both knew I wasn't a person who yelled. But she gave me a hug and then silently promised that she wouldn't mess up again.

I hated this version of myself.

I needed a hobby. I needed to stay busy until I got to go see Justin on tour.

So I went to the Home Depot and bought some stuff and decided to redecorate my condo.

Cassie helped with the colors since she was better at that sort of thing. We spent the first few days covered in different shades of grey which made Cassie and I laugh uncontrollably at the situation. She sat on the plastic covered floor reading  the book out loud to me instead of helping me finish painting.

The renovations were a good idea. I was exhausted from dressing clients during the day and then after work, I reached another level of tiredness from all the painting I was doing, I fell asleep without even trying.

One night, at around two in the morning, I woke up to my phone actually ringing and not the usual text Justin would send me after he got in from a show. I pulled myself out of a groggy sleep, seeing his name flashing on the screen.

"Hey," I mumbled sleepily.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I know it's late there but I had to call you. I couldn't wait."

I sat up in bed as my mind fell into jumbled thoughts that something bad might have happened. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just miss you and needed to hear your voice."

"Don't do that. I thought....Never mind." My heart was racing.

"Hey, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking, I just missed you so bad."

"It's okay." I let out a deep breath and leaned back against my pillow. "So you miss me huh?"

"Yeah." He admitted sheepishly. "Is it bad that it feels like months since we last saw each other."

"No, cause I feel the exact same way." I confessed. "Where are you? I can't remember."

"Copenhagen."

"How was the show?" I asked.

"It was really good. That's why I can't sleep. The adrenaline."

"That's great baby. I'm so happy to hear that, but you should try to get some rest." Justin was living his dream and I was glad he was enjoying the tour. I was proud of him.

I didn't care if I was dragging ass tomorrow and had to live off of caffeine. I talked to Justin until almost five thirty in the morning. It helped me feel closer to him when we were so far apart.

And toward the end of the call, Justin got a little quiet. "You know I love you, right?"

"I know," I whispered.

"Scooter booked more dates through to next year. So I won't be coming back for a break for a while."

"I see, I can still come see you in London right?" The dread hit me. In the back of my mind, I guess I had imagined him coming back to stay after he got done with the European leg of the tour.

"I don't know what's happening yet. But maybe you could come with me next year."

"Like on tour with you?"

"Yeah," he whispered. "Run away with me, Brie."

"Run away with you?"

"Yeah, for real this time. It'll be a lot of traveling. But I think it would work. And we could be together. Say you'll do it."

My eyes wandered around the room I now called home and the pictures I had stuck on the walls. My hand ran over my fluffy grey comforter. Waking up in a new place every day was not my idea of living and I still had my career to think about. And sometimes I wondered if he even knew remembered what country he was in every morning. I guess it all became the same after a while.

Cassie was right when she said that Justin and I would have to work harder at keeping our relationship together than most couples. I had also fallen for someone who lived a life that was very different from mine.

"You still there?"

"Yeah," I whispered.

"Just say you'll think about it."

I let out a deep breath. Everything was changing in my life again and I wasn't ready for any of those changes. But at least I could spend time with him and I promised myself that we wouldn't make the same mistakes so I gave him the answer I knew he would never expect. "I'll come with you."

"You sure?" I felt his excitement bursting through the phone.

"Yeah, I miss you too much to say no."

"We'll figure everything out baby, don't worry." He said to ease my worried mind before we hung up.

---

There are moments you remember in life. Moments scratched into your soul that can't be removed by scrubbing or cleaning. When I woke up this morning, I didn't know I would be having one of those moments until later.

Not until I saw a single picture.

And then my world changed. The wind shifted, bringing my fairy tale reality to a screeching halt as the last few weeks flashed before my eyes. Every touch and every kiss. Every single text and I love you.

My phone rang again. It was the fifth time he had called in the last hour. And the fifth time I had let it go straight to voicemail. I couldn't talk to him. Everything was a complete mess, and I wasn't sure how to even process my horrifying thoughts.

I stared at the picture again as I sat on my bed. This wasn't happening. I had believed him. Run away with me, Brie. His words had echoed in my head all afternoon. And now, that sweet and innocent dream had come to an end with one photo. One picture that made me question my future with him. I didn't want to believe it was true but pictures don't lie.

I tossed the black and white image on my dresser. Part of me wanted to burn that picture. Maybe seeing it go up in a cloud of smoke would make the truth disappear. But deep down, my heart would still know.

I thought I had experienced every level of fear in my life. But today proved me wrong. I had never felt this overwhelming sadness and fear in my entire life. This shouldn't be happening.

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