Back At One - All Bad Sequel

3. Don't Wanna Know

Do you think of me...
Of what we used to be?
Is it better now,
That I'm not around?
- Maroon 5

Justin's POV

I repeat the same words every morning when I wake up: It's just one day, only one twenty-four-hour period to get through.

I couldn't remember exactly when I started giving myself the daily pep talks or why but lately I found myself using it every day just to help me get off the bed. I had the kind of life a lot of people would probably sell their soul just to experience a bit of. But still, I found the need to remind myself of the temporariness of a day, to reassure myself that I if got through yesterday, I'd get through today.

I checked the time on the digital clock situated on the nightstand in my hotel room. It read 10:45am. After the show last night, I went clubbing again with John before he headed off on a flight back to LA. The clerk at the hotel front desk had already called twice with wake-up calls. Scooter also called to remind me that I had to be at the venue early for sound check and rehearsals as well as an interview he had scheduled. Today might be just one day, but it' was packed since I had another show tonight in Stockholm.

I didn't have anything booked before the lunch interview with some reporter from a Swedish magazine I couldn't remember the name of but I already felt drained. Since the tour started it's been an endless repetition of shows, interviews and screaming fans. I'm never alone but I've never felt lonelier. When Scooter called a second time I finally kicked off the duvet and grabbed the prescription bottle off of the side table. It was just anti-anxiety pills my doctor put me on that he advised me to take when started feeling anxious, which is almost all the time now.

The anxiety I'd gotten used to. But ever since we kicked off the tour back in March, I've been feeling something else. Like I'm about to be sucked into something powerful and painful.  I unwillingly got out of bed, showered and ate the breakfast that was waiting for me when I woke up.

I finished my coffee, got dressed, and made my way down the service elevator and out the side entrance that the hotel manager had given me access to so I could come and go undisturbed. Mikey was waiting for me when I got outside with Esther wiggling in his hands. Out on the sidewalk, I was greeted by a blast of cold air. It was only September but it already felt like the middle of winter.

I took Esther from Mikey's hands and ruffled her hair a little. She was the only woman in my life. She was the best dog ever.

"Good morning, Sunshine," Mikey said cheerfully.

"Yeah? What's ever good about morning?" I tried to make it sound like a joke.

"Lots of things. Haven't heard back from Brie?" He asked, then added, "I'm guessing by your mood that that's a no."

I didn't respond, just shrugged like it wasn't bothering me.

I put Esther down so she could walk and reached into the pocket of my sweatpants for my pack of cigarettes. I'd been trying to quit but I felt like I needed one. Mikey put his giant hand on my shoulder, oddly gentle. "She probably didn't know how to respond. It has been what? Five, six months since you guys broke up." He said, and then shook his head as I pretended to be distracted from his words by Esther at my feet. "Maybe you should try calling her instead."

Again, I didn't answer, just kept walking. It's been a week since I texted her that I missed her and she hasn't responded. Part of me didn't expected her not to but part of me was hoping she would. I didn't even know if she even still had the same phone number. I didn't plan on messaging her, it's just that I missed her more every day and I knew it was probably dumb of me but I was hoping she still felt the same.