RATIONAL LOVE

ONE - THE DUNGEON

Hi,
Thank you for picking Rational Love amongst the millions of books on Wattpad. I appreciate it. Please comment and vote as you enjoy each chapter.

This book was initially a mixture of poetry and prose but I've removed the poetry and added an extra storyline to the plot. You can reread it if you're an old reader (especially from chapter 2) for a more suspense-filled read.

The poetry showcases the intense emotions of the characters and can be found in my book Open Emotions. To read it, check my profile or copy and paste the following link to your browser:
https://www.wattpad.com/story/101717081-open-emotions-poetry

Thanks. :)

*******

January.
A year and some months ago, Mum said I was raped at the age of six and I shut down again. My photographic memory didn't help either. I could see them, smell them, feel the cold newly painted cream walls, hear the ruffles of my yellow gown... No wonder I hate yellow.

Chuckles.

My emotions that were trying to resurrect dug deeper into the ground the moment I remembered, and I was content to be a walking corpse.

Silent. Emotionless. No feeling.

But my mind had a different action plan. Maybe it's because I'm in Secondary School. Maybe it's because boys are no longer boys but 'boyfriends' that send shivers down the spine and girls are no longer girls but 'that hot babe'. Maybe that's why my mind decided not to miss the party and began to boot.

Unlike before, it booted and pushed all the painful memories into a hidden folder that threatens to resurface. And now, I alone have to face my mind and the one thousand and one questions swimming in it. Amongst them all, only three keep hammering:

What is love?

Is there love?

Can I be loved?

This is my story. Happy new year.
Riley Visions.

*******

Present Day
The words written with red ink in the large, thick, brown diary seemed to bleed through the paper to my heart and I shut the diary with a loud thud. It toppled off the bed and landed on the tiled floor, opening to the entry I had made today. Only 'September' was written on the page.

I closed my eyes; pen still between my fingers. I tried to imagine love but no image came to my mind. Only deep wave-like sounds of questions kept filling it.

What is love? Is there love?

The same questions.

I have been asking these questions. I even wrote them in my diary in January and nine months into the year, I still had no clue.

Oh yeah, I knew the various definitions of love from Webster's Dictionary and Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictionary. My mind could explain the love I read in novels and watched in movies. I could dissect that love bit by bit and feed it to voracious listeners as dinner but that's not what my heart wanted.

I wanted to feel the rush of love. I wanted tingling feelings in my stomach.

I sighed and put the pen on the bed.

My heart? Why should my heart want anything? 'Silent. Emotionless. No feeling' was my motto and I wasn't ready to change it. Emotions meant pain, pain meant remembering the rape incident and I couldn't afford to remember. I refused to let myself dig that bottomless pit of grief.