Golden Shovel of Learning to Abandon

Hi, I wrote this in high school but it still feels applicable to how I feel sometimes. The song is a tune I like but I wouldn't suggest listening while reading. 

I am not really into poetry but I wasn't feeling too well yesterday, mentally. So when I was in class writing this poem I had a lot of negative and conflicting feelings. I put this poem out on wattpad because I just wanted to let it out there. If anyone can relate and it helps them feel an better and less alone then good for you, I'm glad.

The parent poem of my poem is, "I am Learning to Abandon the World" by Linda Pashtan. Feel free to look it up, I got it off PoetryOutLoud.org for an English assignment. I am going to put the first quarter of the poem up on here, if you find yourself enjoying the poem then by all means look it up.

I am Learning to Abandon the World

I am learning to abandon the world

before it can abandon me

Already I have given up the moon

and snow, closing my shades

against the claims of white

And the world has taken

my father, my friends.

I have given up melodic lines of hills

moving to a flat, tuneless landscape

Okay here's the tricky part for the golden shovel assignment, we were supposed to choose a part/line of the story that appealed to us or that we found striking. I chose the first two lines and pieced them as one. My teacher said this was okay. Then we were supposed to put each word of the line we chose in the very beginning or end of each line in our poem. I chose to put each word at the end of each line in my poem.

So my poem derived from Pashtan's poem turned out like this:

My Golden Shovel Poem

When life gives me lemons, I

realize how depressed I really am

I'm supposed to be at school learning

But instead sometimes I'm just not able to

However I wonder what will happen if I decide to abandon

Everything I have come to know, the

Goals I set for myself to do something great in the world

I don't think I ever used to think this way before

But sometimes I don't think I can handle it,

If anything I guess I still need to try as hard as I can

Because there are some things you just can't abandon

So everyday I will try to get through whatever life gives me

Excerpt line: I am learning to abandon the world before it can abandon me