Laylis & Jason

Chapter TwentyFive

I got home and layed on my bed. I couldn't seem to stop my mind from racing. How could I?

Jason's right. I do still have feelings for Aspen but I have feelings for Jason too. This is so stupid. I hate this. We aren't in a movie and this is not some stupid love story. What am I doing? I am such an idiot. I hate myself. I shouldn't have even let him in. Or maybe I should stop being such a nightmare and just be normal!

After Jason had left I stood and stared into the spot he had disappeared in. I was still blank. Like I had left myself and didn't know what was going on. I vaguely remember Aspen being there and trying to hold me. After that, I was home. Like I transported.

Jason deserves so much better than me. Wait... he kissed Juliet! That jerk! I hate him!

All of the sudden, Aspen was by my bed bringing me a glass of water and an aspirin. I looked at him. Why is his face so blurry? Am I crying?

"Here you go, Laylis. I can stay if you want me to but I figure you might want to be alone."

"How did I get home?" I ask in a whisper.

"Laylis.... I drove you home. You don't remember?"

"Yeah, of course. Sorry." I say quickly.

"It's fine. I'll let you be alone for a while. Call me as soon as you're ready to talk. After you've figured things out."

I nodded and he left. I couldn't believe I had forgotten he took me home. Something like that only happened one other time. Sometimes, after my sisters died, I would wake up and go to knock on their doors completely forgetting that they weren't there anymore.

But at the same time, Jason has always tried. Even when I pushed him away. I believe his story but he's such an idiot! You can't just go around kissing people so they stop crying. Especially when you have a girlfriend.

I guess the situation with Jason and Aspen was like another crisis for me. Not even I knew it was that serious though. How I hate teenage drama.

The fact is, he messed up. Do I really get to judge though? After all the times I was rude to him, doesn't he get a mess-up card?

Things could have been handled so differently back then. We really made a mess of things. I know you're probably reading this thinking, "How are all these big events and emotional changes coming back-to-back? Bad writing." But no. Besides the times we said time had passed, it did happen that fast. Even I get irritated when I think about it. What were we doing?

I'm in-love with Aspen. I know it. Apparently, Jason knows it and I know Aspen knows it. I've been in-love with him since they died and I can't deny it. I attached myself to him and held on like a lifeline. He was my happiness outside of home and how could I just forget that?

I brought Aspen into the book rather abruptly but you see, I was trying to write like I was thinking at the time. Back then, I really had pushed him as far back as I could in my mind until the day my phone rang. It all came rushing back then. I was such a naive girl. The way I acted and handled things. The way I treated people. Just horrible.

Jason is amazing. I love him but I can't love him right now. Right now.... Well, I can't decide who I love more and right now, my love goes out to Jason but it belongs to Aspen.

I had decided. The decision hurt and I didn't want it to but you can't tell your heart to hurt less. The heart is not rational. It wants what it wants and it wanted a way to make it all alright. To have them both without any heartbreak. That wasn't possible though.

There was a quote my sister told me from a guy that was in a band she listened to. It stated, "A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other.... Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever." -Dave Matthews.

Jason and I were friends, we fell for each other at one point but it was at the wrong time. Too late but also too early. So, I had to break the news to both of them. I had to tell them what was going on. I had to let Jason go. That's what love is about after all.

****Epilogue Goes Up Today****