Sense of Frustration

feelings and why you shouldnt let them get to you.

(Trigger warnings and this was posted on my Instagram, @/revengeromantic)
Um, hi. I guess this feels slightly awkward for me to write about myself for once. I don't like to talk about myself a lot on here. Or at least nothing too personal. I'm letting that go.
I've acknowledged the fact that I've actually come somewhere in my life. My life is worth living. I didn't think so, but that was years ago. When I was in the fifth grade, that was actually my first suicide attempt(out of seven). I had no friends. (Apart from @/chantal_hester and @/callie_cupcakes ) People made fun of me. People whom I thought were my friends. Hence the reason I don't miss many people from foam lake. They fucked my life over. I wish I could have been more confident in myself back then, I truly do. I would go to school, being prepared for whatever else my peers had to say about me. I even told the schools principal. She didn't try to help. It was supposed to be a 'bully free zone.' The day I decided would have been my last? I was like ten years old! I had overheard my classmates say this "Kolby needs a transplant here." "Kolby needs a transplant there." and so on and so forth. For a 9/10 year old to be hearing things like that on an every day basis is not right. It stays with you forever! Even now I still get down days and I think that they're right. But they're not. I've been told by some of the very same people who made my life a living hell that they missed me. They gave me hugs when I went to visit. I didn't believe a single bit of it. They acted like nothing happened. I don't talk to them at all. I just don't really care what they have to say about me anymore.
After I moved from there, every thing got brighter. Moving to Saskatoon was a great idea. A fresh start. I made a bunch of friends even as soon as I walked in there. Honestly, they're all so nice. For the most part anyways. It was really nice there. It was my home. They made me feel okay to be myself. I wasn't totally out of my shell however. I still tiptoed around. I was still scared. I didn't want to do certain things. I feared being judged. It's a rational fear, really.
I started a Nirvana fan account on here and it was my outlet. I expressed myself there. People from my class found it and started to bother me. I ended up blocking them all and changing the username. I was scared for them to know that I like MCR. I'm not sure why. I posted stuff about the fictional relationship which was "Frerard." Hahah, I don't know why I was scared then! I'm hella gay now and I'm not even afraid to say that to anyone(except maybe my mom). That account was the bane of my existence. That brought me to meeting one of my favorite people ever @/alliieegator . Allie has been there for me when others were not. She was there through thick and thin. She still is! She probably knows me better than I know myself if I'm honest. She's been the one to hear about everything and anything that crosses my mind. She's like my older sister. She's my favorite whore. Kurt Cobain literally brought me this angel, er, devil, er.. you know what I mean.
Another huge factor in my life is My Chemical Romance. Gerard Way actually saved my life. When I tried to commit suicide twice after the fifth grade, Gerard saved me.
And so did Frank really. It was Frank's music and one specific quote of Gerard's that literally made it all better. I don't really know what I would do without them. Thanks G, Thanks Frank, Thanks Mikey, Thanks Ray. I owe it all to you guys. 
Eventually I ended up moving again, but across the prairies and into Victoria, I thought I was happy about it. I was happy, until I got here. I started school here. I hate it. I feel so alone when I'm there. I'm not usually a quiet or shy person, but after so many times of getting talked over, I just stopped trying. January 24, and I barely have three friends.

I uh, thanks for reading?
This was my vent to you guys, gals and non-binary pals. Idk if you want to ask me anything, just dm me cause I like to talk 😇