I woke up this morning feeling the suns warmth on my face. I smiled. I turned over to hug him, but he wasn’t there. And at that moment, all of what happened came rushing back into my head. We had a terrible fight last night. Harry was out with his friends as always. He came back home at around 4 in the morning.
It replayed in my head like a movie, over and over again.
I had just come home from a long day at work. I worked as a school counselor at a high school out of town. I left at 6, as I did every morning since it took about 45 minutes to get there. After school, i worked at the bakery nearby. Harry got me into baking and i loved it. After having to work all day, I liked coming home and knowing that Harry would be there. But lately Harry’s just been rather strange. Ever since him and the boys came back from a reunion tour, he just hasn’t been the same. He was gone for about 6 months. Being alone for that long really made me realize how in love I was with him. I was absolutely miserable. I acted as if everything was okay while he was gone because I didn’t want him to worry. At first, Harry would call and skype me everyday. But after about two months, he called me less and less. His interest in me seemed to be declining by the day. Harry reassured me that I had nothing to worry about. He would always tell that I was beautiful and that he loved me,but he’s always around so many other girls. Let’s face it, I’m not the prettiest person. Most of the time, I question why Harry was even with me. I know he could do so much better. I trust Harry, but in the back of my mind there was always that worry that he would leave me. I loved Harry so much, if he did do that to me, it would destroy me. I was never clingy with Harry. I always gave him his space because I liked mine. If Harry wanted to go out with his friends, I would never argue with him about it. He was always stressed out and he needed to have some fun once in a while. But I guess Harry’s been taking that for granted. This is the fourth night this week that Harry had been out late. After I took off my clothes, I got into the shower and changed into my pajamas. I tried going to sleep but I couldn’t. I called Harry about 10 times. I was getting worried. He never did this. He would at least text me to tell me he was okay. I got out of bed and made my way to the couch. I put on my favorite movie to pass the time: Whats Eating Gilbert Grape. Harry and I would watch this movie together all the time. By the time the movie had finished, Harry still wasn’t home. A wave of questions flooded my mind all at once. What if he’s cheating? What if he’s leaving me? What if something bad happened to him? A single tear fell from my eyes before i began to cry. Why was Harry being so distant with me? Then I heard his keys and he opened the door. I could tell that he tried to sneak in. He saw me and a look of concern took over his face.
" Baby, what’s wrong?" he said. " what’s wrong? Harry, look at the time! I was worried sick! You could have at least called me back!"
I got up off the couch and headed to bed. “It’s nice to know you’re okay. Goodnight” I said. ” wait! I’m sorry that I didn’t call. I just forgot..” His head sank as he looked down at his hands, playing with his rings. “yeah, but what about all the calls that you ignored?” “I’m sorry..” ” Harry, honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were with someone else” I knew that I got him really mad. His hands clenched and his face turned a rose pink. He hated it when I spoke that way. “you know what?! Maybe I was! I am so tired of your fucking insecurities!” Just like that, Harry was gone. He grabbed his keys and left, not looking back once. I leaned back against the wall and fell to the floor, tears streaming down my face. Harry had never talked to me like that,ever. He knew that I was extremely insecure about myself and the fact that he said that broke me. I had completely convinced myself that Harry deserved better and he just proved it. He deserves someone who’s perfect: nice,long hair, a nice smile, nice body, smart,funny,strong,and secure. I was none of that. I was so tired of everything. I was tired of never being enough. I was tired of not being okay with the way I was built.
