Scattered light

The Sword Of Damocles

I throw on a pair of jeans and some shoes before heading downstairs to where Hinata waits, his smile halfhearted as I take his bag and his hand. He must be really tired, all of his movements and expressions sluggish and off, so we remain silent as we walk. Whatever he was working on must be really spectacular. I wonder if I'll get the chance to see it.

His hand is limp in mine, and his shoes scrape across the pavement as he drags his feet. The birds on the telephone wires don't sing, and hardly any cars pass on the street. It's as if the whole world sat awake last night and now can't seem to keep its eyelids from falling closed. Maybe the earth is working on its own project: some big cosmic show that it's still struggling to prepare for. I want to know what it's planning, but then again I figure I should just let it be.

Maybe I should just let Hinata be. I don't need to worry about spending this time apart, be it a night or a month, because he'll be fine. We'll be fine. Distance and time are not measures of love, and neither is the strength in which his fingers grip mine.

"I wish I could come with you," I say, turning to him when we reach the front of the station, his train not yet in the loading bay. He looks up, eyes squinting and nose scrunching up with the morning sun behind me shining in his eyes. Now he knows how I feel constantly.

"You'd probably be bored the whole time anyway," he replies, letting go of my hand to sign. "Mom's idea of visiting is sitting at the diner all day discussing business and politics with Uncle Ittetsu. Natsu gets really into it but it bores me to tears. Yachi's cooking is amazing but even she can't save me."

"Sounds like a blast," I chuckle, imagining Natsu heatedly debating government policies with her mother and uncle. I'd pay real money to see the look on Mz Takeda's face the first time her daughter got that immovable set to her jaw and stern edge to her words that appears when she gets worked up (which happens fairly often), seeming to make her grow several inches.

A woman's voice comes over the intercom, announcing the arrival of the train that will carry Hinata back to his home where his family waits. His gaze has dropped from mine to the sidewalk so I lift his chin with one finger until he returns it. "Your ride's here."

He smiles, letting air whistle through his nose instead of stretching his lips over his teeth. It's like a rain check for a smile, a statement giving the sentiment but not the reward. "I guess I should get going," he signs, taking the strap of his bag out of my hand.

He turns to leave, but I catch his arm, pulling him into a quick hug, images of standing in this exact spot and hugging Natsu in the same way popping in my head. She had smelled of strawberries instead of pencil shavings and stale sweat, but I kiss the top of his head anyway before letting him go. "Tell everyone hi for me. Have a good time, I'll miss you."

"I'll try," he mutters, nodding as he steps back. I can see words swimming behind his eyes as if he wants to say something, but they disappear quickly and he turns, walking up the path and away from me.

I watch as he climbs aboard the train before the doors shut and the wheels start their slow progression from immobility to scraping motion on the tracks. His head appears in one of the side windows, but he faces forward, missing my waving had in his peripheral vision.

And just like that, he's speeding away on thousands of pounds of metal and human cargo, and I wonder what I'm going to do with the rest of my day.

***

I still haven't answered that question by the time my classes end that Tuesday, the sound of chairs scraping on the floor and buckles snapping on guitar cases meeting my ears. I haven't done anything interesting for the last couple days; a little writing here, a little playing there, a few hours of video games littered in between. Not far off from how my daily life used to be, but much less empty. Hinata hasn't texted much, and I haven't bothered him.