Scattered light

How To Catch Flies

We built our get away up in a tree we found.

We felt so far away but we were still in town.
Now I remember watching that old tree burn down
I took a picture that I don't like to look at.

Well, all these times they come and go
And alone don't seem so long
Over ten years have gone by
We can't rewind,
We're locked in time
But you're still mine

-Jack Johnson

Chapter Text

When I was twelve years old my parents took a trip south to visit some family on my mother's side, leaving me home alone with plenty of money for food and a sense of responsibility balancing precariously on my bony shoulders.

The first day was perfect. I did what any twelve year old boy would do; watched whatever TV channels I wanted, ate as many sweets as I could find, and practiced my guitar as loud as I could. I was free; an uncaged bird able to flap his wings and sing his songs, but that feeling only lasted so long.

The excitement had faded to a dull drumming by the second day, accompanied by a stomachache and a confused circadian rhythm. And by the third day, I was wandering around the house like a lost puppy, lonely and ready for someone to come around and whisk away my empty loneliness.

My parents were gone for five days total, and when they returned everything went back to normal; no more staying up late or whining at the door for someone to come satiate my need for human companionship.

Those five long days ended, but that feeling of endless wandering remained. It wasn't as pronounced but it was always there, nagging at the back of my skull. As I got older the empty house became a metaphor for an empty world, devoid of people. I had Suga who played the part of Mom and Dad, showing up once in a while to soften the loneliness, but for the most part I've remained a lost and forgotten puppy for years.

Until Hinata. He's like the sunshine hiding behind the front door of my empty world, spilling inside as the door cracks open little by little, golden and warm. So warm.

And I feel so stupid, feeling so attached to this guy I've barely gotten to know, but I can't help it. Part of me is just drawn to him like a bee to honey and no matter how much I try I can't stop the buzzing in my chest.

I can't figure out if it's one of my fleeting obsessions, like my love for the way the water reflects the sun at a certain hour of day, or if it's something that's going to stick, but if I'm completely honest with myself I don't think I wantto shake the feeling. I've never wanted a friend this badly.

If five days without my parents was difficult, two weeks without Hinata was agony. We texted a bit, but he seemed busy so I left him alone as best I could, restlessness humming in my bones all the while.

I'm in my apartment, finally getting to the music notes I'd scribbled while walking home with Hinata, cleaning them up and plucking a few test chords on the guitar, when I hear the jingle of keys and his door opening across the hall. My heart speeds up and my fingers slip from the guitar strings.

"Fuck," I spit, setting the guitar down and rubbing my palms across my eyes. I shouldn't be acting like this, it's pathetic. I'm angry at myself and I'm angry at my goddamn heart that won't stop fluttering and my palms that won't stop sweating.

It's not like I can see him now, the guy literally just stepped into his apartment after a long trip. I'd be nothing but a bother. Not to mention I'd look like a clingy pathetic loser, which I don't want to admit no matter how true it is. I have to keep up my hard and cold exterior even though it's slowly crumbling through my fingers with every thought of bouncing orange spikes.