decoding the boys ✔️

55 | pinipili

Pero syempre, it was easier said than done. My throat felt very dry and each time I tried to speak, I had to muster up everything I had and force the words out.

"You have to understand me. He's not what you say he is, Kuya. I couldn't help what I feel for him," sagot ko sa nanginginig at basag na boses.

"Saglit mo lang nakilala ang gagong 'yon!" matigas niyang sinabi. "Hindi mo siya kilala!"

"I know him more than you do," mabilis ko ring sagot, trying my best to compose myself, "'cause I see him without judgment, Kuya. Kung isang beses lang, you will try to see him without thinking he is a jerk, makikita mong magkakasundo kayo. He's not the asshole you made him out to be."

I breathed in deeply in an effort to calm my palpitations.

"So now you're siding with him? Talaga, Javee?" Sinipa niya ang table. Bumagsak ang vase na naroon at nabasag sa sahig.

I flinched in shock. Bumuhos ang luha ko at napaatras ako. I could see Kuya Andrei tensing up in my periphery. Sa porma niya, he was ready to act kung sakaling mawala ang kontrol ni Kuya Jacob sa sarili.

By the couch, the rest of the boys were rendered speechless. Hindi nakatingin sa 'kin si Mathev. He was looking on the floor, his face grim and his hands clenching and unclenching. Kuya Paul was watching with sad eyes habang walang emosyon sina Kuya Onyx at Gian.

"Hindi naman sa gano'n—" Nabasag ang boses ko.

"Ang galing din kasi 'no? Lahat na yata sila alam na. Ako lang hindi? Kami lang hindi? Sinu-sino pa ang nakakaalam?" he demanded.

I bit my lip and told him, "My friends. Sina Kael. Sina Kuya Travis and Kuya Chris."

"Great! So pinagmukha mo kaming tanga?"

"No!" I denied profusely. "Believe me, I tried to tell you. Pero laging walang chance. Believe me, Kuya. Hindi ko rin naman sinabi sa kanila. They found out eventually. I tried to tell you sa debut. But you stopped me," nagmamadali kong sinabi, eager and hoping that he'd understand.

"At kasalanan ko pa, gano'n?" His voice raised a notch.

"Hindi naman! Please, listen to me," I pleaded desperately. "I really love him, Kuya. So please, for once please stop the fight and think about how I feel. For me. Not everything is about you."

He clenched his teeth. "Inisip mo ba kami nang magkagusto ka sa kanya?"

"Oo. Kung alam n'yo lang. Kung alam n'yo lang kung paano ako umiwas. Kung pa'no ko sinaktan ang sarili ko para lang sa 'yo. I broke my heart for you, broke the heart of the man I love because I love you more. Pero wala, e. Ganito pa rin. Sa kanya pa rin ako bumabalik. I love him kaya please, tama na. Nasasaktan na ako."

Namula siya sa sobrang galit. "You love him? YOU LOVE HIM? Wake up, Javee! Fucking see the truth. Niloloko ka niya! 'Yang sakit na nararamdaman mo ngayon, wala pa 'yan sa mararanasan mo once he's done with you." He laughed darkly. "At ang galing din talaga niya, ano? Alam na alam niya kung pa'no makaganti sa 'kin!"

"No, it's you who has to wake up. Hindi siya gano'n!" I blurted out without meaning to. I caught myself and took another breath, slowing down the words that clawed out of my throat. Calmer this time, I said, "You don't see the bigger picture here, Kuya. You think Racel is like you. You are caging him to the person you think him to be because you hate him and you are blind to who he really is," I reasoned out.

"He will hurt you, Javee. Hindi mo ba nakikita ang ginagawa niya? Sinisira niya tayo. He will use you against me." He took abrupt steps toward me. Humarang si Kuya Andrei at nilapat ang kamay niya sa balikat nito para pigilan siya.