I Always Want You

Chapter One

  Lena had been staring at the same page for ten minutes, watching the words float and drift across the page. Her mind was elsewhere. She looked up at the decorations hanging from the ceiling and sucked in a deep breath. I'm not going home for Christmas. The words didn't seem real, didn't seem to fit together in her mind. "I'm not going home for Christmas." She whispered to herself and broke out into a grin.

Lena slowly closed her book and quickly schooled her expression to show nonchalance. She didn't need anyone to ask any more questions than they already do. She didn't need more distrust. Even teachers were wary around her, careful when they spoke, kindling the fires that labelled her as dangerous. As someone to be feared.

It hadn't always been like that. People had enjoyed her company, seeked it out even. Lena looked back on her first and second years with longing. She had been happy, had friends. A chain of events had changed everything. Her last name used to be a source of pride, only to be shown time and time again that it was reason for fear. Distaste. Distrust. People spat out the name Luthor like it was a disease. It used to hold value. It used to represent strength.

It was Lex that had changed the tides. Lex, who Lena remembered as her gentle older brother. The boy who cried when he fell off his broom. Who excitedly showed Lena simple charms, and was fiercely protective over her when she invoked Mother's wrath. What had changed? What had lead him to kill innocent people, to attack muggles, and to start a war? Lena could never imagine him as the monster everyone saw him as. As the Dark Lord. But she had to.

And Mother. The real monster in Lena's eyes. There was no sudden change in character, no radicalization. When the headlines stated that Lillian Luthor had planned an attack on the ministry three days ago, Lena wasn't surprised. She just knew people would see her in the same light. The same light as her mother and only brother. It almost made her feel ashamed to be glad that her mother was locked up in Azkaban. Almost.

Lena stood up, chair creaking behind her. She picked up her book and shoved it into her bag. She slowly walked out of the library, not wanting to startle anyone. She knew slow movements wouldn't alarm anyone. She had learned after the incident in her fourth year. The one that left her with a scar on her ribs. She passed groups of students who stopped speaking, stopped laughing when she walked by. These actions used to leave her with burning tears in her eyes. Why me, I didn't do anything! I won't do anything! Lena had realized early on that she couldn't control others' fear. Yelling would only make them more wary towards her.

A sigh escaped her lips. Lena took the door leading outside the castle, breathing in the crisp air. She rubbed her hands together. No gloves again, someone stolen them. Lena started walking towards Hogsmeade. Butterbeer to celebrate. To celebrate not going home for Christmas. To celebrate the continuation of being alone and unwanted.

Lena looked up from the snowy ground when she heard a commotion from up ahead.

"Give that back to him!" A girl's voice confidently rang out. Lena heard muffled yelling and her eyes widened when she saw the scene laid out in front of her.

A blonde girl in flowing Hufflepuff robes was physically hitting a large boy from atop of his back. His arm was outstretched with what seemed to be a wand. A shorter boy in a yellow and black sweater was jumping, trying to reach the wand. He yelled, "Kara! Hit him harder! I've almost got it!"

"Okay, Winn!" The girl, Kara yelled, while multiplying her punches tenfold. Lena watched as the tall boy flung the wand into the air in attempt to keep it away from the two Hufflepuffs. "Winn! Go catch it!" Kara yelled, hopping off of the tall boy. Kara followed the arc of the wand with her eyes and watched as Winn jump to catch it, cheering for a split second, only to watch with horror as he hit Lena on his way down.

Lena should have seen this coming, to be honest. When had anything ever been as simple as watching from the sidelines. All of the air was knocked out of her lungs as she hit the ground. Then she felt the extremely painful feeling of Winn landing on top of her. "Oh my god..." She groaned. Her vision was punctuated with flashes of black and then complete darkness. Breathing had really become a struggle. But thankfully, the weight on top of her was suddenly gone.

"Why did you have to throw the wand, you idiot!" Lena heard Kara yell even though it sounded a million miles away.

"I didn't know Schott here would tackle someone to get it!"

"Just leave already, Mon-douchebag!" Winn yelled.

"That wasn't even clever!" Lena heard the stomping of the boy running away. Silence enveloped the area.

"What are we going to do with you." Lena heard Kara sigh. She then felt soft, warm hands on her face, and when she tried to lean in closer, they were gone.

Lena tried to open her eyes, eyebrows furrowing when the bright lights that surrounded her kept her from doing so. She squinted at her surroundings. The infirmary. She sighed to herself when she remembered what had led her to this moment. Lena still felt a pain in her side, where there was surely a bruise from where that Hufflepuff boy, Winn, had landed on top of her. Lena could finally open her eyes enough to take in the details of her room. A drab curtain was drawn around her bed and to her right, a sleeping blonde girl perched on a visitors' chair. Lena let out a gasp of surprise, waking the girl up from her slumber.

"Oh! You're awake!"

"Yes..." Lena looked at her questioningly.

"Golly! Where are my manners? I'm Kara! Kara Danvers!" Kara said, beaming at Lena. Lena felt her heart stop at the sheer brilliance of her smile. "I'm- I'm really sorry for what happened out there- I- Mon-El thought it'd be funny to take Winn's wand and- well that wasn't fair and- I'm rambling aren't I?" She laughed.

"I'm Lena." Lena said quietly, staring at her lap. "Lena Luthor."

"Well! It's a pleasure meeting you, Lena- oh! I brought you something!" Kara said excitedly while rummaging through her bag.

"You- you brought me something?" Lena whispered in shock.

"Yeah! You were kinda in the snow for a while so I thought, well, I should bring something to warm her up!" Kara pulled out a cannister from her bag with a flourish. She shifted her eyes left and then right before whispering, "It's butterbeer."

"How did you get this in here?" Lena asked with wonder, taking the cannister from Kara's hands and ignoring the flutter in her chest when their fingertips grazed.

"I've got my ways." Kara winked at Lena. "Well, I'm sorry I can't stay any longer, my sister is probably looking for me!" She laughed. "Alex is always so worried I'm going to get into trouble-" She glances at Lena. "A-and, well, she's not wrong."

"Oh, alright." Lena said, trying to mask her disappointment.

"Don't worry though." Kara smiled. "It'll take a lot more to get rid of me after this!" She gathered her bag and books. "I'll be seeing you around, Lena Luthor." She grinned and then exited the curtained area. "Enjoy the butterbee- I mean nothing! Don't enjoy anything!" Kara yelled from the other side of the room.

Wow. Was all Lena could think before looking down at the butterbeer Kara had given her. There was a little note with a smiley face attached to the side.