Chapter 20

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Everything falls silent. Even the beat of my heart were inaudible because of the silence that fills my ears. I can feel my heart skips a beat. I feel my body just stopped. Like all the blood in my veins just froze. Jarek is dead. My mind says in disbelief. Jarek is dead? It’s undeniable, but my brain just refuse to process the three words that echoes in my mind. “No.” It came out inaudible. “No. Jarek.” I sob. I feel a burst of emotions inside me trying to push their way out of my body. Grief. Anger. Sorrow. Pain. “JAREK!” I shout until I feel the last air from my lungs exits my body. I pound my hand curled to a fist against the metal blast door. Wanting to break it down. Wanting to tear it to piece. But I can’t do it. I feel helpless. I feel useless!

Ar-cee.” I feel Staff Sergeant Salazar’s hand on my shoulder.

My knees just gave in and fall on the metal flooring. “I already knew this would happen!” I say in between the sobs.“I knew he was the one I dreamed of. But I didn’t do anything to change it.

It wasn’t your fault.

But at least I should have tried to save him or change what I saw in my dream.” I can feel my strength ooze out. Drained by grieving. “He was limping when we ran through the tunnel. I could have helped him!” I continue. I want to hug my knees close to my chest and just curl to a ball on the floor. But I feel like I don’t have any energy left in me.

Staff Sergeant Salazar grabs me on both arms, pulling me up until I am leaning against the wall. “Look at me.” He says in a commanding voice. But even raising my head feels so hard to do as tears burn out my eyes. “Ar-cee, look at me.” He repeats. But this time it was filled with vulnerability like he is pulling back a sob. I slowly raise my head, gathering every ounce of energy left in me until I find myself staring straight to his eyes. “He got shot in the leg. There was nothing we can do about it. We all saw it coming.” Even in the tunnel with inadequate lighting, I can see his eyes water. “All we can do now is pull ourselves together, stay strong and finish this mission for him.

Stay strong. I let those words occupy my mind with the hopes that my body will follow.

Come on. We have to move.” Staff Sergeant Salazar lets go of me and turns around to takes a second to stretch his neck like he is trying to shrug out all his emotions from his body. “Where to Elfie?” He asks.

It took Elfie a few second to answer. “We just have to follow this tunnel.” She says with a slight sob in her voice.

Let’s get going before they decide to torch this place.” Staff Sergeant Salazar says.

I pull myself together. Trying to be strong even with shaking knees. I pull my neck backwards and take a deep breath. Pulling back all the emotions inside of me and tucking it somewhere deep inside my mind. But it didn’t work. So, I shrug and follow Staff Sergeant Salazar along the tunnel with tears at the back of my eyes burning like sea water. We walk in silence like we were giving a moment of silence for Jarek. A deafening silence.

We reach the end of the tunnel. We stand facing another metal hatch. Elfie takes out her laptop and connects a port on the keypad located on the right side of the hatch. “Give me a second.” She says.

Elfie, is there any chance you could hack through their surveillance footage inside this room before opening it?” He asks.

I’m already on it.” She replies. “Just give me a few more seconds.

We just stood there and wait. The anticipation was nerve racking. I try to stay calm by taking deep breaths but my heart is already running a mile an hour. Come on. Stay calm. I say to myself. I don’t know if the door we are facing will be the last one we have to open before the mission will end. But I hope it is.

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