besotted. ☤ joshler [DISCONTINUED]

cuatro!

a few more days of doing things like cutting wood, working on cars, and playing football passed and it was living hell!

i normally don't use that language but it really was!

the last project was doing flash cards and describing what each person was doing based on gender roles. for example, a woman would be taking out the trash!, and of course we had to choose a partner! and wanna know who i got paired with? josh!

he kept pulling "jokes" on me where he'd hold up a flash card and have some cut-out of a toned abdomen instead of a guy doing work taped onto the flash card. then he'll shock me with the shockers for having bad thoughts!

oh yeah, i didn't mention the little shockers! brendon taught me about it.

one night, i couldn't sleep and i kept hearing this buzz followed by groans, so me and my nosy self gets up and goes over to see what's up! he tells me that whenever you get inappropriate thoughts about a boy, you shock yourself! it's called av, which means like, aversion therapy or something!

but anyways, he'd keep doing it to me! but after a while, it got pretty funny. and i'd laugh with him.

🎀

i'm asleep, dreaming of something- well more like someone, i shouldn't be dreaming about.

the pink-haired boy won't leave my head! it's so frustrating!

but, i'm dreaming about us sitting in the same field, but this one far far away from true directions!

we are smoking the broc- weed together and i'm sitting in his lap while he paints my nails.

"man josh, i really love you," i smiled while kissing his cheek and he smiles right back.

my dream is interrupted by the devil himself shaking me awake, a devilish grin spread across his face.

"come on, princess. time to go," he chuckles a bit and i sit up confused.

"what? where are we going? what time is it?" i ask, louder than intended.

"shut it!" he whisper-yells, putting a finger up to my lips. my face feels hot.

i shove his finger out of my face, sitting up and huff a bit. "don't touch me!"

"yeah, you definitely don't want me to touch you. that's why you were mumbling my name is your sleep."

"but calm down, we're sneaking out. going to cocksucker, remember?"

"i-i dunno josh," i mumbled, swallowing hard. "what if we get caught?"

"that's the thing, we won't! don't worry. come on, have some fun, you really need it," he put his hand on my cheek and i smiled a bit. not a toothy smile, just a lil grin. buuut, i eventually fell for him and got dressed.

🎀

sneaking out was easy, and we got into a van with two men in the front.

"hello!" the chubbier guy said. "i'm bryan, and this is joe, we both were from true directions at one point, until we discovered there's no changing who we are!"

"so you're like, some secret underground homo railroad?" i ask innocently and everyone in the van chuckles. it's only me, josh, brendon, ashley, and lana. marina, melanie, and matty didn't want to come. they were scared of getting caught, too.

🎀

once we arrived to the bar, i got angry. "josh! you didn't tell me we were going to a gay bar!" i exclaimed, clearly annoyed.

"well where else would we go?" he chuckled, as usual.

i stomped my foot and looked around at the guys in sparkly tops and heels and pretty girls with long hair and baggy clothes.

"here, i'll get you a drink. tonight is supposed to be funny," josh grinned, walking towards what i suspected to be the bar.

"but i don't drink!" i called after him, getting ignored. so, i followed him and just went with it.

🎀

"you wanna dance?" a cute boy with cool hair and cool makeup approaches josh. but he shoves him over to me.

"hell yeah he wants to dance," josh smiles at me and winks and i shake my head quickly.

"n-no thank you, i-i d-"

i'm cut off by him nodding understandingly and walking back to the dance floor.

josh rolls his eyes and shoves me towards him. "come on, man! can't dance with a dude for one night!"

i end up dancing with the boy for a bit, apologizing for my shyness. after swaying with him to the music, i see josh and brendon dancing together.

something inside me boils up. something inside me makes me wanna cry. yell. do something! but i can't understand why.

but i don't understand, right when i see brendon's hand snake down to josh's bum, squeezing it gently.

i scoff in disgust, pushing ryan away and stomping out of the stupid club. i walk towards the trash cans and sit down on an empty box, tears running down my face.

god, why do i have to like men? especially, out of the men, josh? brendon is clearly into josh and josh is clearly into brendon!

why can't i just have a normal, gay free life?