Lost at the Start

4.

Just another question I didn't have an answer for, and while I had struck some of those of the list, I'd only succeeded in adding more, and all those inquires floating around my brain were starting to get annoying. So, much like my thoughts on trying to will myself places, I decided I didn't have anything to lose by giving it a shot.

Being dead, as I was starting to find out, involves a lot of repetitive thoughts, and just thinking in general. Apparently.

I reached for one of his hands and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I promise I'll come back, okay?" Even if it's just to say goodbye...One last time...

Jackson still looked upset, but my words seemed to help at least a little. "You promise?"

"I do." I nodded.

He hesitated, but ultimately said, "O-okay."

What came next, I'm not quite sure who initiated, but somehow our mouths met in a kiss. Sadly, our first. And, very possibly, our last.

When it was over, I lingered just long enough to look him in those big brown and eyes, and smile.

He smiled back.

Moments later, I was back in my own room.

Luckily, it seemed I was starting to get the hang of this "willing" thing. Or maybe it was just easier because it was my room. I didn't know, and it didn't really matter.

Now then, I thought, trying desperately to suppress how much I was internally reeling—in the best possibly way—over how I'd left Jackson. I need to—

I stopped when I realized how that sentence ended.

Find Riley.

The only problem I had with that was, knowing my luck and the current state of everything I'd seen so far, she'd probably be...somewhere...with our parents. And, despite the newfound-importance I had to see Riley, I still had no desire once-so-ever to find out how mom and dad were reacting to my departure.

Truthfully, I only wanted to see Riley in hopes I'd get some more answers.

And hopefully no more questions.

Sadly, the more I thought about it, the more I came to understand that there probably wasn't going to be a given time when I'd know I could see Riley, alone, (or at least without our parents) and actually awake. (I figured they'd leave her alone while she was sleeping, unless she was taking this way harder than I ever would've imagined.)

It was looking like, regardless of how badly I didn't want to see how exactly dear ol' mom and pop were acting in my absence, I was going to have to risk it if I really wanted to get a look at Riley's condition.

I sighed when I realized the other problem: Where would they even be?

Don't get me wrong, I had enough sense to know that the death of a family member—sudden, unexpected, and young, or otherwise—would equate to a funeral that needed planning, possibly a memorial, maybe a visitation to schedule, and other aspects I didn't have a clue about since I'd never been directly involved in such a process. I'd gone to funerals, sure. Even read a few books that involved them. But I wasn't about to pretend I knew every in-and-out of the the whole shebang.

Ignoring my ability to find Riley by willing myself to her, the odds were that I'd only get to really see how she was handling my being gone, especially since she'd been the one to find me, if she actually was completely alone. And if I willed myself to her, there was no telling where she and our parents would be or what they were doing. And if it was the wrong place, I wouldn't see much of anything because I didn't doubt for a second Riley would hide as much as she could of how she was feeling.