I. maybe if i say i love you three times in the mirror you might hear it and maybe if i stop shivering the pieces of my heart might stop stumbling and bumping into each other and maybe if i am careful my brain won't set on fire and maybe i can stay young until the end of the year (it's only a few days now) and maybe if i focus i can be okay?
II. but i am screaming at the mirror and you still don't know. i could be yelling your name and sobbing and you would still be happy a thousand miles away.
III. my skin has gone blotchy from the cold and my heart has made its decision on how to pain me the most. i pride myself in being able to draw straight lines but now i think it would look more like a snake if i tried because i am shaking so much.
IV. i may have been young a week ago but i am a hundred years old now. the end of the year is still only a few days away i thought i could make it but clearly i was wrong.
V. i don't think i've felt anything other than stress this entire year. i suppose that means at least i haven't been angry but i don't really think that's true either because i've never sworn so much in my life.
VI. i can't even focus on the things i love and i haven't watched a single episode of something without checking my phone at least once.
VII. how can i be okay if i feel like my brain is on fire and i am curled up trying to coax the flames into submission.
VIII. you can guess how well that's going.
IX. happy new year, i guess. i'm still not happy so really this is just a new year but let's hope 2017 is a bit better please i'm still trying to pay for the fire damage. my insurance doesn't cover emotional wreckage.
