Forced Motherhood

Motherhood

-How do you see yourself in ten years Liv?!

-Well, Jane, I can't tell you exactly but I think I would like to work and keep on doing what I'm doing right now. Acting is my priority now and I want to learn more, work more...and always do better. I think right now I'm the happiest person in the world and...well, I want this happiness to have a very long life!

-Don't you want to have a family? a husband?....Some children?

- I started to bite my lower lip before answering that question. It was my first live prime time TV interview and I wanted to be as honest as possible. When my manager told me Jane Ryan, one of the youngest and successful tv host in the last few years, wanted to invite me to her prime time show "Mtv GossipLine", I open my eyes and started to think it was just a silly prank.

-You there Liv?!- Jane's voice suddenly broke my river of thoughts. -Yep! I was thinking...and none of my thoughts was about marriage and children. I am a free spirit. what's for sure is that I don't really want to be a mom.

An assistant took away my Mic and, after saying goodbye to Jane, I rushed tks the exit in the back of the studios. I stopped immediately after seeing a huge crowd as I stepped forward. My head ached and my mouth was dry but I decided to spend some time with them, signing some autographs and posing with lots of stranger faces for their huge brand new Iphones. I was still not accustomed to the success and fame "The Files" brought me. Everywhere I went lots of people, adults and teenager mostly, recognized me and came closer kissing my cheeks so loudly my ear refused to work for some minutes. Every time seemed the first one. Of course, I had no more privacy but I loved when people screamed my name out loud, sent blowing kisses, and humbly asked for a picture. My headache started to get worse and worse and I decided to leave. Half an hour later, I grabbed some letters and gifts my admirers had bought for me and bodyguard escorted me to a cab. I think I fell asleep in the cab, because I woke up to the sound of the driver's rough voice:

-Ma'am sú casa! Pay one hundred thirtyfive dollars- It's amazing how migrants in New York immediately learn numbers. I paid and rushed to my apartment.

I was laying on my bed, drinking my hot black coffee, waiting for the pain to ease, as I started to remember the last five years with a big smile on my face. I had come to the US five years earlier happy to help my uncle and aunt, working for them in the laundry shop they had opened in the late 70's. They moved from Rome to make their American dream come true. And they made it. Their story brought me to do the same after my father's passed away. My mother left me with him when I was only a few months old. And she never came back to see me again. Some people say she was on drugs, others claim she went to India to find her "inner self" or something. I thought USA could be my great opportunity to show my talent. I had studied acting for many many years and wanted to become a great actress. My big occasion came on that first overseas Christmas Eve. My-now-manager entered the laundry shop at 8 pm with a huge coffee stain on his shirt and tie: he was going to a Christmas Party a dear and famous friend if his had organized. He stopped to have a cup of coffee but, now, in a nervous mood he started to regret that decision. The party was in a loft in the Upper East Side, an hour later. That day our computer went out of order and our complete digital system died. So I couldn't accept his Visa Platinum. I cleaned his clothes while he was waiting in the restroom. When he saw his shirt white as it was before the accident, he started to kiss my forehead and started to move and shake his hands, in his now usual feminine way. I told him he could consider it my Christmas present and he left me his business card. Surprisingly, I didn't need it. He came to the shop after Christmas and I told him, after talking to my uncle, I wouldn't accept his money: I wanted him to give me a chance to show him my talent. I wanted to take part to some auditions. Thomas Stone and me became friends and, very soon, I stopped paying for his service as he started to send us his clothes and we never let him pay. Then, it happened. After many special appearance and one-word roles, Thomas' boyfriend Adam, a hairstylist, told me I could take part to an audition for the leading role in a CBS "Cold Case" spin-off, "The Files". They choose me to be the NYPD Unsolved Crimes Unit Detective Hannah Sparks. The serie's success was unexpected. Immediately after the pilot I couldn't even have breakfast in a public place without paparazzi following me with their flashing cameras. I moved to a small but classy apartment in Manhattan. If I could describe my life with a single word, it would be "wonderful". A girl from one of the worst neighborhood in Rome was becoming, little by little, a star. But nothing could prepare me to what was going to happen...