Sam x Reader Oneshots

One Last Goodbye

Warnings: Angst. Character Death? I mean y'all know what happened in Swan Song

Italics are flashbacks

The rain was beating down on the window sill. Nothing but every single teardrop to be heard as you sat by your window, watching the streets, watching cars drive by in hope one would stop in front of your apartment complex. In hope he would turn up. But why would he?

It has been twelve months now. Twelve months you've waited for him to come back. Twelve months you've waited for a sign of him.

You just wanted him to knock at your once again. To see his face once more. That was everything you needed.

But he didn't show up. After all this time, he didn't show up. You wanted him back so badly. Wanted to see him so badly. Just one more time.

~~~

"Sam, you can't do this. Do you even know what you're risking?" you were upset. Sam really planned on saying yes to Lucifer. How could he even think this was the right way to handle this whole mess?

How could he not think about the relationship between you and him? Didn't you matter to him? Maybe it was selfish, but you cared and you didn't want your heart to be ripped right out of your chest.

"I have to do this, there is no other way, otherwise the world will end, many innocent people will die and I can't let that happen, not when I'm the reason for it," Sam told as he packed his bag.

"This is stupid! So what? You're saying you're gonna die for this shit?!" you tried to keep your voice low but you couldn't anymore as tears started to build up in your eyes.

"Yes, that's what I'm saying. And then it is stupid, but at least I save people's lives," one he packed the things he needed, he closed the duffel bag and pushed beside you, heading for the door of the motel room.

"Sam! Don't you leave just now!" you yelled and Sam turned around to face you, tears even in his eyes.

"I have to do this, Y/N. There is no other way," Sam told and swallowed hard.

"If you walk through this door, don't ever come back," your voice was quieter now, hurt filling it as tears ran down your cheeks.

"Then I won't ever come back, I promise," Sam said and opened the door. Once more he turned around to face you.

"Goodbye," he said before he left. Before he left to die.

And in this right moment it felt as if you died. It felt as if all your insides were falling apart.

~~~

Sobbing you wrapped yourself into your blanket. Another night you would cry yourself to sleep.

Another night you felt lonelier than ever. Even though it's been twelve months, you've missed him like it was yesterday.

You missed the heat next to you. You missed his tight hugs whenever you woke up in the middle of the night because you had a nightmare.

It was obviously going to be hard to live without Sam, but you didn't expect it to be that hard. You thought that you could move on at some point, but you couldn't.

All you wanted was Sam. All you needed was Sam. But you couldn't have him anymore because he was gone.

You cried your eyes out and no one was there to hold you and tell you it was going to be alright. No one was there to fill the holes Sam once left.

No one.

~~~

You screamed out in pain, in frustration, in sadness and started pushing lamps, flowers and other decorations to the ground. You flipped the table and broke everything that was able to be broken in some way, not caring of the outcome.

You were mad. Mad at Sam, mad at yourself for letting him go. This couldn't happen. You couldn't let this happen.

Sam and Dean didn't keep their plans a secret and so you knew exactly Sam was heading. Even though it would take you a while by foot, you would go there. You couldn't let him go again without even trying. Without trying harder.

You ran. You ran faster than you ever had your whole life. You had to reach the cemetery in time. You had to get there before it was too late.

Once you arrived at the cemetery you saw the big hole forming on the ground and Sam was standing right next to it.

"Sam! It's not gonna end this way! Step back!" you heard someone say, but couldn't see who it was.

"You're gonna have to make me!" Sam stated and you walked faster until you had a perfect view of your boyfriend and knew that he would have a perfect view of you.

"I have to fight my brother, Sam! Here and now! It's my destiny!" it was Michael. Now you knew it. You didn't know the vessel he was in, because as far as you knew Dean was Michael's true vessel.

Where was Dean? Was he save? But you had other things on your mind.

Everything happened fast, Michael stormed towards Sam and before you knew it they fell.

"Sam!" you screamed and once more your eyes locked, but it was too late already. He fell into the hole and there was no way he could get out of it, as it was already closing.

You dropped to your knees and broke out crying once the hole closed completely. You were too late. You failed at saving Sam.

"Hey I got you," you heard Dean say and felt two arms wrapping around you, but you couldn't pay much attention to him. Your thoughts were eating you alive.

~~~

There were many questions left unanswered. Why did Sam have to do this? If he really loved you, why did he leave you? Where was he now? Why did he never come back?

You didn't understand it. Sam brought out the best in you. He showed you everything about you, you didn't know yourself.

He was your better half and now that he was gone you were nothing but a pile of crap. There was nothing good on you anymore. You couldn't function anymore.

All that was left was your body, your body with trouble of coming back to what it used to be when you didn't have Sam in your life.

You needed something else. You needed someone else.

All you needed was to find somebody like him. To find somebody like Sam. But no one could replace him. No one could fill the holes he left you with.

No one.