Sam x Reader Oneshots

As Long As You're With Me

Warnings: TW Self Harm, Sam being there for you even though that's not a warning.

"Are you sure you don't want to come with us?" Sam asked as he got ready for the supply run.

"No, I don't feel too good," you put on a smile, trying to hide how you felt inside as much as possible. Sam was sceptical at first and stared into your eyes as if he stared into your soul. Luckily he then nodded and pressed a kiss to your forehead.

"Just call if you need anything or anything is wrong, I'll return home as soon as possible," he told and you simply nodded, watching him as he headed for the garage.

The whole day you have been waiting for Sam to head out. Dean wasn't necessary to leave, but now that both would be gone, it was even better. Your mind was driving you insane ever since you woke up, you can't help it, you can't stop it, it just starts. Of course, you could tell Sam, but you didn't want him to worry about you. You never wanted him to worry about you.

During the day, the voices in your head became worse, kept telling you worse things, kept telling you how useless you are. If it wasn't for Dean constantly bothering you to get up for breakfast, you would still be in bed. You just didn't feel like getting up. You didn't feel like doing anything at all today, but you had to cover it up as good as you could.

There wasn't even a real reason why you wanted to hurt yourself so bad, but you just did. You wanted to feel something different, wanted to feel free of the inner pain. At least for a few moments.

And so you headed into the bedroom with the little box you hid underneath all your clothes. Sam never went through your stuff unless you asked him to, so it was a huge pro. Since you've been alone and it would take a while until Sam and Dean came back, you didn't even bother to lock the door.

You sat down onto toilet lid and opened your box with shaky hands. It has been a while since you've used your blades, since you've actually hurt yourself, but at this moment, you just couldn't fight against the urge anymore. As you held your blade, you started having doubts, but there was no turning back. One cut only, you thought. But everyone knows it doesn't only stay at one cut and so almost your whole lower arms was covered in blood and cuts. Seeing the blood and feeling the burn gave you some kind of relief. It made you feel good even if it shouldn't.

But you were soon cut out of your trance, by hearing the front door open. Quickly you grabbed a towel and wiped of the blood, ignoring that some of the cuts were still bleeding.

"I forgot something, you alright?" You heard Sam yell through the bunker.

"Yeah, just in the bathroom," you shouted back and quickly headed into the bedroom, reaching for one of Sam's sweaters, so the cuts would definitely be covered up and it wouldn't soak the fabric.

Just as you wanted to return to the bathroom, Sam stood in front of the bedroom, with the blood covered towel and the box of blades in his hands.

"What's this?" Sam asked as he looked at you, sadness and hurt in his eyes. You couldn't even stand looking at him. You couldn't even find words to answer him.

"Show me your arms," he then ordered and put the towel and box aside, stepping closer to you.

"No," you mumbled, still avoiding any eye contact.

"Please," he sighed and took your hands in his. At first you hesitated, but you knew there was no way around it, so you slowly pulled up your sleeves, a tear escaping your eyes.

You expected anything, just not for Sam to wrap you into his arms and hold you close.

"It's okay," he whispered and pressed a kiss to the top of your head while you started crying even more. You didn't even notice that Sam walked the two of you over to the bed and sat down with you.

"You can always talk to me, you know that. I don't want you to go through this alone," Sam said after a while as you calmed down.

"It's just.. It's hard to talk about it.. It's hard to explain what's going on in my head. Nobody ever understood, so how could you," you sighed as you glanced at Sam with puffy eyes.

"I can't promise that I'll completely understand it, but I can try, you're not alone sweetheart. You'll never be as long as you're with me," Sam kissed your nose and pulled you close once again.

"Thank you, Sam," you whispered as you buried your face in his chest.

"There's no need to," Sam replied, kissing your head once more.