Title Wave •Phan•

•prologue•

×Phil×

as I close my eyes it is like a dark paradise that I never want to disappear but once my eyes open the darkness that surrounds me moments before leaves me the brightness of the real world is in my line of vision, and all I wish to do is to disappear into the comfort of the war in my head,  and the silence as the once loud and crowded voices disappeared leaving the silent war to softly rage on. The never ending cycle of hurt and betrayal filled my chest as it pushed me down deeper and deeper to the unfamiliar darkness that is slowly suffocating me with my own words as they spilled out like an overflowing sink. The darkness is slowly imprisoning me the brightness of the real world that surrounds me once my eyes open will never be the same.

The beauty of the blue skies and green grass never cross my mind anymore as all that happiness and imagination vanished into thin air like a puff of smoke that leaves from between your lips that is not only killing you mentally but physically as it runs through your body of no way to escape as it is trapped and the darkness is yet a so tempting place to throw yourself into. though it is a deadly choice it never really register to me and as it did, i never stopped, the darkness is my only safety from danger as the darkness is really my only enemy.

I blew out a puff of smoke as i lowered the lit cigarette from my mouth every time a puff of smoke leaves my lungs a little bit of my sanity leaves with it as all i want is the darkness to take me away to disappear just like the smoke from the deadly criminal i am inhaling into my system. Another day another breath of air that i take advantage of as my breath mixes with toxic criminals that i take into my system daily i sit in the darkness of night in the back streets of London as a cold draft moves in and the once blue sky turned into a dark gray sky as rain began to fall putting out my criminal saver.

I wish to never open my eyes as then I will have to face the fate of reality and the sanity of normal and living human beings, no one seemed to suffer and wish for darkness as others wish for light and the beginning of a new life each day, as many are cut short by the creator himself.

I did not always wish for the darkness to rush over me like a titlewave, I did not always wish for the darkness to drag me to the pits of hell and the cries of pain from the forgotten souls that wanted to disappear just like the smoke that escaped my mouth as another puff of smoke escaped my lips as I lit another cigarette. The rain from the outside word did not even faze me anymore as i felt numb and unwanted, this is where i wish i had a family, this is where i wish I was normal this is where I wish I had someone to lean on, warmth of another human being. A touch of hope to drag me away from the darkness I'm deseperately want to venture into with no return but I small feeling of wanting to be stopped .

Sitting in the back street is not the best way to receive help as only the homeless walk through the awful allies, but what do you really expect from the back streets?

I am Philip Lester 29 years old, just last year I had an amazing life and an amazing spouse till she left me for a buisness man, taking all the money and kicked me out of my own house that I BOUGHT for our anniversary. Now I have no income and the little bit of money I possess is used for cigarettes and a few matches.

I need my life to get back on track, but the right person has yet to step in and help me stand back on my own two feet.

°that was the prologue hope you enjoyed 👋° ~mini!!
Dedicated to cocoabutter888