i know why the caged bird sings

She dipped her hand into her pocket, fishing out her lighter and cigarette, lighting up as the last of the sun's rays vanished. Then the small light of the cigarette was the only thing they had. The stars that night were covered by an onslaught of clouds, leaving them alone with the smoke, that drifted away into nothingness.

A few hours into their silence, Rose had shifted towards her. Their shoulders now brushing. She welcomed the touch, almost wishing for them to be closer, for Rose to hold her. But she stayed silent and slowly leaned into the touch. Little did she know, that in those small hours of the morning, she was changing. Her broken heart, slowly mending itself together, slowly beginning to reach out to the girl sitting silently next to her.

On the third night, on the third hour of silence, Rose dared to speak.

"Why do you smoke?" Rose asked quietly, but received no answer, and bowed her head because of it. It was almost that she was ashamed.

"Why do I smoke?" The question was repeated after a moment. She licked her lips, her teeth finding the ring and she began to tug on it. "Because the pain seems less when I do." Normally she would have lied, coming up with some smartass answer of "why not?", but there was something about Rose, something that seemed to draw the truth out of her. She didn't think she could lie, even if she wanted to.

"And what is causing you this pain?" Rose asked softly. The underlining question was there, "Why do you come to this roof?". She knew it was there, but that was something she didn't want to answer. Something she couldn't answer, for it was something she herself was unsure of.

"Life." That was her answer. Life was causing her pain, life was what drove her to this roof every night. Life is what she wanted to escape. Life was, well, like dying. Life to her, was death, and death, to her, was like life. And while it was backwards, it was what made sense. It was what she always felt. Out here, she didn't need to impress anyone. Out here, she could let whoever was drowning inside of her free. Out here, she was whoever she wished to be.

The fourth night returned to what they had gotten used to. Silence. It surrounded them, consuming emotion, and leaving them without anything to say. The stars had drawn back the curtain that once hid them, gracing the girls with starlight. She wondered what the stars were thinking, two girls, sitting a person apart. Perhaps that is what returned them to this state, the stars were watching.

The fifth night a storm was stretching towards them, reaching out with trembling fingers, and tears of lighting. Soon it was raining, and she struggled to light a cigarette. Rose's dark blue glasses became speckled with water, but she either didn't care or didn't notice. They didn't speak to each other. They just let the rain soak their skin, caress their faces, and kiss their hair. She couldn't help but notice how gorgeous Rose looked as the lighting split the sky, sending her tiny messages of how beautiful the girl sitting next to her was. She wondered what it would be like to kiss her.

The sixth night, the roof was still drying. But neither girl cared as they seated themselves on the normal ledge, letting the water soak into them. It was an unpleasant reminded that they were still here. That whatever they had come up to do was still unsuccessful. Once again the girls did not speak. Both reliving their depression, neither believing the other could help, but somehow they found themselves drifting closer and closer together, until their fingers were brushing together. But neither made the move to grab the other's hand. So they stayed, wallowing in their sorrows alone. The sky spit rain on them, almost scolding them. Both girls left the roof early, not even a cigarette could life her sorrows. So she trudged home, stepping in each puddle that crossed her way. It made her feel worse, and she longed to be back on the roof.

The seventh night, she was there first. At first the thought of this roof being hers wasn't so bad, but as the sun crept closer and closer to edge of the world, dread filled the pit of her stomach. When the last of the sun embraced the sky, she realized just how much the roof had become "theirs" and her being there alone, didn't feel right. She felt like a there was a hole in her chest, and the cigarette that she clenched between her teeth started to sicken her. The smoke was no longer seen as beautiful, instead each exhale brought on a new wave of disgust. Instead of finishing the cigarette, she flicked it off the edge of the roof, unable to stomach it anymore. She sat there, dreaming that she could still see the soft red glow of the abandoned cigarette, but after some time she realized it wasn't worth dreaming. So, she managed to motivate herself to climb back onto the roof. Her feet were moving without her consent, and soon her feet hit the broken cement of the abandoned street. Slowly, her legs began to move her, away from their roof, towards wherever her home was tonight. Maybe it wasn't worth leaving the roof, but she was too far gone, and her feet showed no sign of slowing. Thus ended the seventh night.