Letters To Throw In Fires

viii. Dear Blondie Brownie

1/24/17

9:27 PM

Dear Blondie Brownie,

I wrote half this letter like a month ago.

I just erased it.

Things have changed believe it or not

But that isn't the point.

I should start from the beginning.

You make me angry because you are the one thing I want but can't have

Everything else is attainable

Good grades, time, friends, money

Everything but you.

Folks reading this probably think you are a dude

But that isn't the case

Which is where our problem begins.

On the list of things I know about you is the fact that

You are Catholic

And so is your family

And I guess I am too.

Of course, my family is fairly progressive

But what do I know about yours?

Nothing.

Now I guess you're asking Are you gay?

My answer is

...sometimes

Anyway, that isn't the point.

I want to get away from the problems for a second

And say what I like about you

Just so you understand a little better:

You are smart

Talented

Charming

A little goofy

Confident

And pretty, but that isn't the point.

I'd like you anyway if you weren't

But you aren't fucking ATTAINABLE

which, like I said before, is frustrating for someone like me

Because when I want something

I either move on or go get it

With you

I'm torn

It's an age-old dilemma:

Be friends

Or

Chance ruining everything for the slight glimmer of hope that we might be something else.

We don't talk often

It isn't because I'm shy

We just don't see each other often

I wish we did, though

Because if things go on this way

We might not even end up friends

But that isn't the point.

The POINT IS:

I am never going to tell you any of this and we will probably go our own separate ways soon and forget about each other, you more completely than me because you probably don't think of me often to begin with and one day perhaps we'll run into each other, you with a cute family and a respectable job and me with -- oh, hell knows with what -- and we will look each other over and say hi and walk away because things like these we never meant to be especially when it comes to you and me.

Or not.

Who's to say?

       Your friend,

                   -Never

(PS: if you ever read this, sorry if you're freaked out. And . . . I don't know. It'll be okay.)