So Far Away From You

Chp 17- Yeah this is really happening

After Breakfast we kind of just sat around and watched TV. Nothing interesting was on so i payed a lot of attention to my thoughts. I was really wondering about our date. I really didn't want to embarrass myself. I didn't think i was ready. I Also was still haunted by my little thought i just wish i could remember. Fuck alcohol i don't think i ever want to touch it again. I tried to remember,  venturing mentally into the deepest darkest corners of my mind. Nothing. I wonder if zack felt the same knowing him he would assume what happened and like it. But what if he really cared? Only he knows i guess. Speaking of Zack he still hasn't shown his face since breakfast and its almost 1:30 pm.

"Wheres Zack?" i managed to ask

"I have no idea haven't seen him since this morning." replied johnny

"why are you worried about him anyways?" asked jimmy

I sat there speechless

"Well that's a bit mean" Peyton pointed out

"Oh sorry it wasn't supposed to be" jimmy said re focusing back on the TV.

Phew thank god for  Peyton's. 

"Alright that's enough!" Matt called loudly and pushed himself off the couch "i cant take tv no more" Apparently a select few didn't hear him say this because when Matt hit the off button there was a rumble of heys and what the fucks.

Everyone got up and shifted around downstairs doing what ever interested them at the moment. I looked over at Brian

"Hey I'm going to go.....change" i said

"Ok" he smiled

"Be back down in a minute" as i ran up the stairs

There was something i wanted to do and it wasn't change. I needed to talk to Zack.

I walked in front of his door and took a deep breathe and let it out. I held up my hand to knock and the door flung open and i was pulled into his room. 

"sorry i knew you were outside." Zack looked at the floor.

"its ok." i said doing the same

"There's something i have to ask" we both said at the same time and boom our eyes met.

Zack inched closer and i just stayed. then he touched his hand to my cheek and brushed my hair from my face. Then he kissed me. I was frozen i didn't know what to do. Should i back away should i slap him? I didn't do either i just stood. He pulled away.

"Um" i managed to say

"Sorry" he said once more" I-i-i shouldn't of" He looked up and we both went for each other and kissed once more.

"Haha maybe we should stop" 

"Yeah" he agreed"fuck!"

"i know" as we ran for each other and kissed yet again

we finally both moved to either sides of the room. I felt light headed I'm really screwing my self over. It felt like a staring contest and we were both semi out of breathe. I finally dashed for the door and ran out across the hall to the bathroom. I stood and looked at my self in the mirror. Yeah, that really just happened, i told my self. Then I hated my self i wasn't screwing my self over, i was screwing Brian over. I felt like a whore, maybe i should. No not because of a kiss i shouldn't feel bad. Other girls take it farther and get in another dudes pants. But i wasn't used to this so i did feel like one. There was a slight knock. I hesitated

"Who is it" i managed a croak.

"Jimmy and jimmy needs to take a wee wee!" he said pleadingly.

"OK one sec" i called back. I fake flushed the toilet so no assumptions were made and opened the door. i walked out and went to Brian's, or my newly acquired, room. i sprawled out on the bed with my mood. I fell asleep.