Mixed Oneshots

Deserving - John Murphy

You loved him to death, but god, this broke your heart.

He slept fully clothed now. A knife was tucked underneath his pillow at all times. More often than not, he'd wake you up in the middle of the night with his screams. You couldn't handle it or confront him. It was a dead end.

Tonight there was no screaming. Dead silence draped over the atmosphere of the tent. He laid next to you completely still. He showed no signs that he was even alive, other than the circles he rubbed into your hand with his thumb.

“Trouble sleeping?” Your voice was barely above a whisper. His throat bobbed as he swallowed everything he wanted to say to you. The little strokes on your hand stopped. The rising and falling of his chest was all you had now. “John, please.”

“I’m fine, just go back to sleep.” Squeezing your hand, he turned on his side to face you. His hand slides up your arm and down to your waist. You shiver. He laughs a little laugh that seems to carry away the tension floating in the air.

Your hand settled on his cheek, finger tips poking into his hair. “I wish you would talk to me.” Pieces of sadness piled up in his eyes. He wished he would talk to you too. His hand moved from your waist to your back so he could pull you close to him. His head rested on top of yours.

“There's nothing to talk about, Baby. Everything is okay, really.” You both knew he was lying through his teeth. Nothing had been okay for a long, long time. You could feel his heartbeat slow down as he almost reached the release of sleep.

“Why are you lying to me?” His eyes popped open. There was a million reasons why he was lying to you. None of them were good ones either. “Are you afraid of driving me away?”

“Always.” His hold on you tightened, as if he was trying to keep you from slipping away. “You could do so much better. There's no reason for you to stay.” You've heard this before, more times than you should have. Each time it broke your heart a little bit more. Each word left its own crack in you and pushed you further to your breaking point. The emotions you couldn't handle pooled up and spilled out of your eyes.

You couldn't get the words to form. They clumped together in your throat, only managing to come out in the form of a small and pitiful whimper. “John,” you choked out. Every word you spoke burned your throat like seven shots of whiskey. “don't say that. You're the only thing in this entire world I love.”

“I'll never understand why.” He traced his fingers along your spine. You shivered again. He didn't laugh this time. His heart beat a little faster now. “I’m a fucking monster. It doesn't make sense for someone as amazing as you to stay with-”

You cut him off by gently pressing your lips against his. “Murphy, you're not a monster.” Your hand cupped his cheek. “I love you so fucking much. You'll never drive me away, baby. I'm yours forever.” his lips tugged into a smile, complete with watery eyes.

“I love you. Forever.”

A/N: hey it's been nine months and this is my baby cause that's how pregnancy works. Sorry for the break lol crazy how crippling depression works like that. Anyways here's 552 words dedicated to my lovely trash son. So sorry for the break, I say to all 0 of my readers (haha sorry if you exist I wouldn't know)