A One Shot Collection

In Dreams

"I know."

+++

"It's a girl, Pookie." The world stood still, as if balanced on the head of a pin, then the most wonderful sound in the world filled the air. My third child, the newest piece of my heart, started to cry. A tear of pure joy, tinged with the barest hint of exhaustion, threatened to fall, as I held out my arms towards the sound. Seconds later, a tiny heartbeat rested against my own and I cradled our daughter to my chest. As with my other children, I didn't know which of their dads was the father, but it didn't matter to me. It didn't matter to any of us. What was important was that we were together; a family, united.

"You did so well, Sugar." Soft warm lips pressed to my hairline and I sighed, relaxing as I enjoyed being surrounded by love and warmth on all sides. If heaven wanted to tempt me, they'd have their work cut out to beat this moment.

+++

"Where do you want the tree, my darling wife?"

"What?" I glanced up from playing with my youngest son to see a delegation had gathered, each man holding a section of the not-yet constructed artificial Christmas tree. At the helm of the group was the de facto head of our ever-growing household, still wearing his patented suit and tie. His cheeks were slightly flushed from the cold, suggesting he'd only just arrived home from work, but not a hair was out of place - as always. His perfect face and millimetre smile, as he glanced down at our youngest child and then back to me, threatened to take my breath away. I could have stared at him - at all of them - forever, but he was waiting for an answer. "Oh, that one can go in the main hallway. Under the stairs, if you don't mind."

"Anything for you." He stepped forward and pressed a soft, chaste kiss to the very corner of my lips, before turning back to his workforce. "You heard her. Take all of this out into the front entryway." With that, the bustle and noise began to shift towards the open door and beyond, so I turned my attention back to the cherub in my arms. His soft bronze colouring gave his parentage away, much to the delight of his doting father, but I saw something of all my boys in each of my children. Their love and heart was something that even the youngest children displayed in abundance, and I couldn't be prouder.

+++

"Princess?" I jumped slightly as a soft voice echoed through the quiet room. I lowered the sleeping toddler into his crib and tucked the soft, fluffy blanket over her legs, before turning to greet my husband.

"Done," I told him, grinning as I gestured to the sleeping child. "She took an age to drift off, even after the twins went to bed, but I'm all yours."

"Yes, you are," he whispered, holding out a hand. "Come to bed." I took it, relishing in the feel of his long, elegant fingers curling around my own. As we walked, I flicked off the lights in the girls' room, leaving only the soft glow of a pink night light to guide us to the door, then we slipped out into the hallway.

"Merry Christmas, Peanut," a voice called from down the hall. A figure in flannel pyjamas crossed to the bathroom down the hall, waving softly as he caught sight of the two of us. I waved back to my other sleepy husband, then tucked myself closer to the wonderful man beside me.

"What time is it?" I asked, burrowing my face into his shirt and breathing in deep. He chuckled, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me in closer.

"High time we should be..."

+++

I rolled over and yawned, lazily stabbing at the snooze button with my index finger as I struggled to clear the fuzz of sleep from my mind. The high-pitched buzz cut off, meaning I'd found my mark, but it didn't make me feel any better. I didn't want to wake up. My dreams were always better than the reality.

Wait!

My other arm flew out to the side, half landing squarely on the single mattress and half dangling in the chilled air of my bedroom. The sheets beside me were cold; too cold. My eyes snapped open as I pushed myself up.

Tiny box room. White walls. Book shelf. Small, ice-lined window, framed by threadbare curtains.

I collapsed back onto the bed and curled into a ball, grief threatening to overwhelm my senses. It wasn't real. None of it had been real. I'd been dreaming, just like I did every night - vivid, unbelievably detailed dreams of a life I would never have.

I squeezed my eyes shut and wrapped my arms around my stomach. I could still feel it. I could remember the pain of childbirth, each and every time. I could see the faces of each of my loves on my wedding day, lined up to greet me at the aisle. I could feel their touch on my skin; every embrace, every kiss.

Nine...

Of course it was crazy. People didn't marry nine people. How could I be so stupid as to believe I was so blessed? People like me didn't get a happy ending.

"Sang!" I jumped, groaning as I recognised Marie's voice, shrill and harsh to my sensitive ears. "Mom is waiting for you downstairs." No! No. This couldn't be my life.

"I'll be down in a minute," I called, knowing that there would be trouble if I tried to stay cocooned in bed, praying to find my way back into the life I so desperately wanted. It was futile, anyway. This life, this hell right here was mine to live. I was alone in a family that didn't care, and my loves were a fleeting memory from a dream, my mind conjuring up new ways to torment me when I was awake.

I swung my legs out of bed, gasping as the cold air swirled around them and raised bumps on my skin. This was it. This was my lot in life. Suck it up, Sang.

+++

"Don't even try to talk to me today," Marie hissed as she pushed past me, stepping down from the bus onto the kerb outside the main school building. "I'm tired of you and your moping."

"Okay," I muttered, nodding as I tried to hide the waves of misery that I was sure were visibly exuding from my pores. She didn't even notice, flouncing away to meet up with Danielle, who'd exited the bus just ahead of us. I watched as the two girls put their heads together for a moment, Danielle glancing up at me - apparently in response to something my sister said - then they giggled as they headed off, arm in arm.

I stood, staring up at the huge concrete structure in front of me. I'd been coming here every weekday for nearly a month, but it didn't get any more inviting when I was alone. I could actually remember spending lunchtimes here with my friends - my future family - but I knew that it was all just my mind playing tricks. A way of escaping reality, I had read in a psychology book in the library. My mind took scenarios and locations that were familiar to me - such as the lunch hall or the house just down the street from ours - and inserted them into my dreams, to give a sense of realness to the fabrication. If anything, it had worked a little too well. I wanted nothing more to go back to sleep, to try to get back to the world that ran parallel to this one. A world where - somehow - I had found true happiness.

"Oof!" I let out a grunt of pain as I failed to look where I was going, hitting a solid mass of flesh and wool. I bounced off firmly, losing my balance. I flung my arms out, seeking something to stop myself from falling, but mentally prepared myself for a new bruise to add to my collection. I was starting to look more blue-black than cream under my clothing, I thought wryly. What was just one more scar to bear? If life continued like this, I wouldn't survive long anyway. I'd find my peace one way or another.

"Woah!" Strong fingers wrapped around my forearms just as my knees buckled, leaving my body suspended in air, reliant on my mystery rescuer not to let me fall. "Oh God, I'm sorry. Are you okay?" The voice was deep, infused with an inner strength that I couldn't describe but which felt infinitely familiar. I inwardly cringed at the thought of talking to anyone - especially a man - but I swallowed hard and dared to glance up at my saviour.

"It's fine. I'm okay..." My breath caught as I traced the outline of his thick, black-rimmed glasses and intelligent, green eyes. I'd seen those before, had learnt every inch of that face. It couldn't be. He couldn't be!

His thin brows shot up as he met my gaze, his fingers flexing against the material of my coat, and then his jaw dropped in shock - shock that I mirrored effortlessly. "It's you."