You are my sunshine

Why is it so hard?

Chapter 12

Cade's POV

"...it's so bad n-Niall and my mom has c-cancer and it's to big to remove a-and she has to do kemo therapy but the d-doctor said it doesn't always work and I'm s-so scared and I don't know what to do N-Ni!!"
I couldn't stop crying since we found out the bad news yesterday. I needed to hear my boyfriends comforting voice and words of encouragement

"It will be alright sunshine! I'm sure everything will work out."

"But w-what if it doesn't!? what if she d-d-dies."

"Well I know this is hard to hear Cade but there isn't anything you can really do but be there for her and help her have comfort in her last few weeks. Let her know you love her and will be there by her side until she's gone. Hug her every time you get a chance and just be there with her. That's all you can do right now."

"I wish I could hug you right now Niall. It's hard to be away from you I miss you so so much! Thank you for making me feel better!"

"Your welcome baby. Well I gotta go but I'll see you tonight. Love you!"

"Love you too." I put my phone in my pocket and took Niall's advice. I needed to go hug my mom and tell her I love her. I went into my moms room were she was laying on the bed. Without saying a word I went and hugged her and whispered to her how much I love her.

"I love you too baby. How's Niall handling all of this?"

"He isn't himself when I'm gone. But he's been super encouraging to me while I'm gone and wasn't hesitant to let me come see you."

"I couldn't have chosen a better boyfriend for you dear. He's most definitely a keeper."

"Yeah, he is. Mom I have to tell you a secret."

"Ok. What's up honey?"

"Well before I moved to Ireland I used to..um...to...cut myself."

"Oh sweetie where?"

"On my thighs."

"Why?"

"I don't remember. But you really need to know that ever since I meet Niall I've stoped. Just the way he talked to me I know he loves me. And he constantly tells me how beautiful I am and how talented I am. Mom I love him with all my heart. It's hard to be away from him. I miss him so much and it's been far to long since I hugged him. But don't worry I'm not leaving here till things get better!"

"But sweetie what if they don't get better?"

"I don't want to think about that now." I hugged her tighter then I have ever before"I love you."

"I love you too!"

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Niall's POV

It was hard to talk to Cade without crying but I knew that she needed me to be strong. I decided that lazing around wasn't doing me any good. I smelled like rancid beef and fart so I decided to take a shower. When I got to the bathroom something caught my eye. A small glint of silver that could mean only one thing. A razor. I was still very depressed and missed my girlfriend. I was so fat and ugly and she was probably never coming back. She hates me. These thoughts filled my head and I started to cry. My wrists started to itch and I walked over to the sink and picked it up. I made a small cut and discovered that it made me feel slightly better. I went to make another cut and...

*ring ring*

My phone rang suddenly. It was Zayn my best friend who lived in England. I answered the phone

"Hello."

"Hello mate. You sound so sad. What's the matter?"

"Nothing. Is there a reason you called?"

"Well yeah actually I'm gonna be in town for a few days and was wondering if I can stay with you?It's fine if you can't but it would save me some money."

The company wouldn't be bad it may help me actually. I knew Cade wouldn't be happy if she saw cuts on my wrists when she got back. I knew it was wrong but it felt good and distracted me from the pain of being without my sweet girlfriend."sure Zayn. I would love to have you over. For how long will you be here?"

"Like three days or so. Are you sure there's nothing troubling you mate?"

"Um...I'm sure." I looked down at the new cut in my wrist and told myself it was the last one! I knew this was addicting and once I got to deep into it I wouldn't be able to stop. I knew I could trust Zayn and if I did it again I would have him help me.

"Ok see you tomorrow mate bye!"

"Bye." I hung up the phone and threw the tempting razor in the trash. After my shower I went to get a room ready for Zayn. There were three rooms upstairs one was mine and one was Cade's. The other one would be for Zayn. I had Rodger wash the sheets and pillows. Then I went to Cade's room. I just needed to sit on her bed and breath in her sent. She smelled like peppermint and roses. I felt hot tears trickle down my cheeks and fall onto my lap. Cade was my world she made me feel loved. When I looked into her eyes I see light and love and I felt like nothing else mattered. Her hair was so pretty and blond and it reminded me of a sweet summer day where the wind was blowing and the sun was shining and everything was perfect. Now that she was gone I felt like everything was dark and it was a cold winter day with icky sloshy black snow that wasn't pretty at all. Why was it so hard to not have her here. I cried some more and I felt my heart burst with pain. Right now I need to focus on getting things ready for Zayn.