A New Beginning

Chapter 14

Ezra's P.O.V

Run. Keep moving. Don't stop. Don't look back. The voices kept whispering to me in my head. I didn't know what to and I was terrified. The battle kept going and every time a gun fired, I flinched. I wasn't sure what I was doing and regret of leaving Hera consumed me. Every time I think of Hera's pleading face, I have to remind myself why I'm running.

Then I immediately stopped and fell in the process when a thought came to mind. Why was I running? Did I really think Hera and Kanan were pitying me? Or was I just running from my problems? I stood up confused and lost on what to do. The pressure was to much that I held my head and screamed in pain. My autism is not helping me think straight.

I get horrible migraines if I think to hard and having autism wasn't helping me. I sat on the closest bench I could find and hoped that it would pass. The pain was unbearable and the guilt was eating away at me. I wanted to cry. I wanted help. I wanted some warmth, security and love. Ugh, why does life have to be so complicated?!

   I pulled my knees up to my chest and start to notice how cold it is. I shivered and watched the sun start to set. I remembered when me and my parents would watch the sun set. I still watch it, the colors would always calm me down on bad days. Like today, even the sound of guns firing and bombs exploding aren't bothering me, barely.

The lamps turn on and the terrible sounds of the battle were silenced. It was completely quiet that you could hear a pin drop. 'What's going on?' I thought. I sat here not daring to move to see if anything happens. Then cheering and screaming of victory filled the air meaning one of the armies won the battle. But who won and why was it started in the middle of a street?

   The cries of victory settled and the sun has nearly gone with the warmth of day bringing a cold night. I made myself into a ball for warmth seeing how I have no where else to go. I couldn't go to my cellar or Kanan or Hera would find me there. 'The edge' or fence was probably on and it was colder in the woods anyway so I couldn't go there either.

   My last resort was this crummy bench under a single light post. The wind started to pick up and my teeth chattered. I felt so empty and was thinking about going back. But the problem was that I don't know where the house is. Now I'm regretting my decision of running out and leaving Hera. Hera and Kanan probably think that I am to much and are probably glad I'm gone.

   Tears welled up in my eyes as I kept seeking out the warmth but there wasn't any. Just this cold, empty bit in my heart. 'I'm an idiot,' I thought then froze, 'I'm.............Emile.' I let out quiet sobs and laid my head on my knees. I hate everything, wait no, I hate myself. I lifted my head and looked over my knees. Something shiny caught my eye and it came from below me.

I looked underneath the bench to find a green glass bottle. I picked it up and before I knew what I was doing, I smashed it in half. I picked up a shard then rolled my sleeve up. 'No more pain, I can't take it,' I thought and started to make long cuts up my arm.

"EZRA!" A voice called through the night. I looked up to see Kanan looking at me in shock. We both stared at each other, not sure what to say or do. Then Kanan finally broke the intense silence, "Ezra, what are you doing?!". I dropped the shard and made a run for it but fell to the ground, passing out to a voice echoing my name. "Ezra, you are going to be ok," Kanan said then everything went black.

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