Ruin Me

7. Understand me

"I get why you're so annoyed at him though," Grey nodded in understanding,"I was furious when my dad left, I mean at first I was sad but then I was just so angry at him. I blamed myself thinking it was my fault that I made him leave."

"That if you'd been better he would've stayed," I nodded, I knew exactly how he felt.

"I was named after him," Grey added in almost a whisper, "Chris everyone called him and I was Christopher Junior. I was so proud to have his name before he left but after I just hated it so I became Grey. It was my mothers maiden name that I took. After that I was never Christopher Junior again."

"I prefer Grey," I didn't know how to respond so I just said what I felt, "it suits you better."

Grey tilted his head and looked me square in the eyes, "thanks." My dull hazel eyes stared directly into his fiery grey eyes and I was absorbed in the inferno of heat they emitted.

Once the burning of his eyes got too much I broke my gaze away and just stared up at the sky letting my face be bathed in the delicious starlight.

It was bliss.

Soon I started to shiver as it was early October and though the days in California were still hot the nights got colder. My thin t-shirt, threadbare hoodie and tiny shorts didn't offer much warmth. Grey noticed me clutching my hoodie tightly and pushed himself up.

"Time to go inside?" He offered a hand which I took without thinking and kept hold of right until we were by my door.

"Thanks for that," I nodded up the window, "I needed it."

"Anytime," Grey gave his million dollar smile that juxtaposed the toughness of his look so drastically it was crazy to see them together.

I went to bed shivering but for the first time in weeks, content. I curled up under the warmth of my sheets and found myself grinning like a mad woman.

Then for the first time in two weeks I didn't cry myself to sleep.

***

I clamped my hand over my mouth to stop myself screaming, my tears streamed through my fingers and burnt like acid on my tongue. I bit my hand so hard I tasted blood on my lips it's coppery taste making me want to gag.

Or maybe it was the pool of my mums blood steadily spreading across the carpet that made me want to vomit.

"We need to leave," one of the men said as he fidgeted in his thousand dollar suit.

"Where's the daughter?" Another man commanded, he had a thick Russian accent that was hard to distinguish but I still knew he was looking for me.

I squeezed my eyes shut tightly and held my breath desperately, praying that they wouldn't find me crouching behind the curtains. Or even better I would open my eyes and this whole thing would be nothing more than a dream.

"Probably out shopping," another guy dismissed easily, "we need to go right now."

There was a moment of silence that felt like an eternity as I tried to restrain any sobs that wanted to escape my lips.

"Fine but you better make sure that girl knows nothing, I don't want her causing any trouble," the Russian voice came again. I hated the nasal and cruel sound of his voice, it was like a knife being sharpened.

I heard their footsteps leave the room and the click of the door shut behind them as they left a woman bleeding out in what they thought was an empty hotel room.

They were repulsive, each and everyone of them, I hated them all so much it made me sick.

I heard their voices die away as they moved on easily, I could already hear them talking about other things. But I was frozen, I couldn't move a muscle. I was paralysed with fear.

When I finally was sure they couldn't hear me I took my hand away from my mouth and crawled out of my hiding place.

That's when I saw her, I'd only seen the blood on the carpet but now I could see her whole body. They'd left the gun in her hand and the bullet in the side of her head. Like she'd done it to herself.

I crumbled to the ground, I started sobbing and howling. I couldn't stop, I thought I was dying every part of me hurt so much. Tears were pouring out of every pore on my skin, out of every fingertip and toe in an endless flood of grief.

Then parts of me started to fall off, first some fingers, then an ear and my nose. Then my arms and a leg and my eyes. They all fell into the blood as I splintered into a million tiny pieces.

"NO!" I screamed over and over, "WAKE UP, WAKE UP!"

But she never did.

Her eyes remained open and glassy staring at something beyond me. I shook her and begged her and pleaded with her but to no avail.

She just kept staring at nothing.

I jolted awake, but still the image of her lifeless eyes remained. It was imprinted forever on my brain never leaving me. Each time I blinked the image was there, ready to haunt me.

I knew that every day I would have to relive my mothers murder in my minds eye. It made me want to claw my own brain out.

The police ruled her death as a suicide, but I knew the truth. It was murder.