"I have aspired to expression, all these years,
elegant past the most eloquent word. But here now
our tongue dries into maggots as we continue our slimy
death and grin. Except today it is fashionable to scream
of pride and be...
So. What the fuck. November 25th. I will always fucking remember that night. I got to perform for my first time.
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I was so fucking nervous. We came into the side of the building and sat down on this bench, waiting. A woman came up to me and asked me did I have the flash drive that had the instrumentals for the two songs I was performing. I was patting my pockets for like 6,000 hours until I finally came to terms with the fact that I lost it. Me, Bino, and my uncle quickly left out of the building and looked for the little red flash drive for like 15 minutes. We found it on the ground on the side of the building where we originally parked after that long ass hour drive up north from the South Side. I was lucky that the rain didn't destroy it and/or a car didn't crush it. We brought it back and I gave it to the lady, and she took me down to the green room. Bino, who was acting as my hype man, and my uncle, had to stay behind. It was artist only.
Me and this other artist, (His name was Hercules or something like that) were in the green room. i have no idea why they called it that, because the room wasn't green. I probably sound like an idiot right now. I was sitting on the couch and eating a bag of chips, of course. It wasn't really awkward because this was the best bag of chips I ever tasted. After chilling in the green room a bit and meeting the other two artists and the artist who hosted the event we went to the stage. I thought it was the biggest fucking stage i'd ever seen in my life. the shit was ridiculous. and i was going to be on it, performing. by the way, i had found out about this thing last minute. it was this event called Chicago's Next and i saw it on an Ad on facebook. I applied for it and gave them two of my best songs and thought nothing of it. i guess it was a communication problem because i didn't see any emails or text messages and they told me that i was performing the day of it. i was sweating so hard and so excited when i found out. and i was breaking down because it was like... "fuck... my dreams are manifesting." I called Bino up and told him to come to the crib because the flyer said i would be allowed one hypeman.
The artists had to come at 5:00 for an event that started at 7 for a sound check. I went on stage and tried to do a sound check for my first song, Bestfriend, that i was going to be performing. I fucked up bad. Well, to me, it was really, really bad. I was spitting Bestfriend and i forgot the lyrics. I forgot, and i was sitting there looking like an idiot in front of the other artists and the DJs. I tweaked hard as fuck. We went back to the green room and freestyled for a hot minute. Before the last 40 minutes or so was up, me and Bino went in the hallway and i practiced both of my songs and i got the rest of it down in time.
The whole experience was fucking amazing.
I was the last person to spit on stage. It was three of us. While the last dude in front of me was on stage I was nervous as fuck. I had went in the hallway for a second and the room was spinning and i could barely stand on my own two feet, and i was sweating up a river. My anxiety fed off my fear and my fear fed off my anxiety. I finally hit the stage and I killed it. There was a competition, which i really didn't care about (I just needed/wanted the exposure). Whoever got the most cheers got to get three songs professionally mixed and mastered and got a feature with the semi-famous Christian hip-hop artists who created the event, Skrip. He's a cool dude, and one of the best freestylers i've ever heard. I came second place.
