Unkept Memories

Chapter Ten

I didn't know how to reply. All I could focus on was his face. His brown hair slightly messed up while he was sickly pale. The limpness that captured his body. What was I suppose to say to Natalie?

I look up from the water to them and see Natalie's expression turn to one of regret. I felt sick and weak. The looks on their faces told me they could tell I just got my memory back about the car accident. One of the biggest memories everyone's been keeping from me.

She sighed before saying "I'm sorry."

"Me too," I said referring to everything not just bashing out at her.

"I guess I know it's not your fault. Its just I wasn't there, I don't know what happened. None of us do. It's easier to blame you because you're the only that knows and you saw it happened. I know in your heart you would never do anything to hurt him but I was hurting so I solved it by hating you. Now that I see you pain I know you couldn't possibly have been your fault," she confessed.

"I'm so sorry," was all I could say while crying. "I wish there was something I could do. It should have been me. I just happened so fast. I don't know. I'm just- I'm sorry."

I took away someone's love. My own brothers. It's obvious Natalie and Andrew loved each other a lot and I killed it, literally and metaphorically. It hurt to look at Natalie knowing what I did. I wouldn't even be able to leave the house if Ryder died but then there's Natalie who smiles at lunch.

"I sorry for being selfish but now that I see how much it hurt you too I just want us to go back to being friends, even though you don't remember. I just thought that I was the only one hurting but he was your brother."

"I want to be BFFs again too. I'm sorry and I didn't even know I had a brother until now. Wait if," I paused when realization hit, "Andrew died in the car accident then who were the other two people?"

"Oh well it was a little girl and her dad," Hailey said sadly. I couldn't cope with that. I killed three innocent people. It was like a knife being push through me, similar to when I remembered I was raped. Was my past that painful that every memory hurts to remember?

"I'm sorry," Natalie said.

"No it's okay, I understand."

"No um really. I tried to do something that was wrong," she confessed hesitantly. "I tried confessing the guys to pull the plug on you," she explained regretfully. "But it had been a year and there was no progress. It just hurt seeing you in that bed instead of Andrew," she tried reasoning.

"When were you going to do it?"

"It was planned for the day after you woke up. That's why we were all so surprised. We truly thought you were dead. It was a machine pumping you lungs, you just didn't feel like you."

"I guess fate has a way of working," I said acceptingly of what almost happened. We sat for a little eating and recovering from our confessions. "Guys I'm tired of all this stress that losing my memory has caused us. I just want all of us to be happy again."

"Yeah me too," both of them agreed sighing in tiredness.

"We should go on vacation," I suggested.

"That'd be fun," Hailey said not believing it would actually happen.

"No seriously. I'm so sick of trying to remember my memories that I want to create some. Lets go somewhere warm since the holidays are coming up. We all can regroup and have some fun together."

"That's actually a good idea," Natalie said.

"This could be a lot of fun. Let's go to the beach!" Hailey exclaimed making Natalie and I laugh.

"Well we'll have to look into a beach house and dates and talk to the boys."

"We better get on it because I want to go," Natalie said acting like her once self towards me. We all smiled recovering from the tears minutes before. We walked out the mall with our new hair cuts being different but I my case more like who I'm suppose to be. It's interesting how death drives us apart but at the same time it brings us together.